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Voices Inside My Head
I hear a voice inside my head;
Is it really mine? or is it one ill-bred?
I hear the voice so sad, sounding like it cried;
I heard the words so softly, wishing it were dead;
I hear the sound, it told me I could confide;
I listened to its whisper, trusting, but turns out it lied.
All my life was wasted;
Yelling, everything I tried was, let's face it
lost, broken, worthless;
Were all dreams without purpose?
Faith in God was like a child believing Santa,
It seemed so true; it seemed so logical, that
Hope was like believing I was princess Diana,
Could be I'm lost like the Prodigal
Still so beguiled was I, I listened and believed
The voice's wit and candid valor, were well recieved.
The voice always led me away,
Into the blackness, into the night;
It felt wrong, but it's words I could no longer sway;
It's words had caught me by the throat,
Believing, but it's words only lead me astray,
God's Word, no longer I would quote.
But lies are confusing, they always conflict;
That's what got me, because there to see,
So clear and so bright, one voice would convict;
It was the truth, God's Words spoken to me.
Light showed me the darkness, and how it kept itself hidden,
How all lies come, but the truth told very stark,
In dark, truth and love are always forbidden;
So how could I see? How could I know?
If all I would listen was words from the dark?
I wonder, why I believed that voice
Over the voice of the one who's word is truth;
Why did I trust my own voice
Instead of trusting the light, the one I'd trusted in my youth;
Why I chose to listen to those lies
I wished I'd listened to the one who's words so wise.
I can't trust myself anymore, it's those lies
All those words, all those sounds
I can't trust my voice, because its love in darkness lies;
So who do I trust? and how do I know?
Which voices I keep, and which ones I throw?
I am free, to do as I please,
No word of man, no government office,
No moral law, no God set plan,
That's right, no rules to leave me nauseous!
I can go about, do as I please;
I can do what I want; I can plan my own dreams,
Because life is a breeze,
Not even chains can entrap me in their schemes.
Not long I'm out, and about,
Doing this, doing that,
Always linger to chat,
At my leisure, just for my own pleasure.
But just when it doesn't get any better,
I seemed to be pulled, I seemed to be tugged,
To do what I hate, not what I loved,
I can't stop, It's like I've been drugged.
Oh now I've done it! Now I've done it!
I've brought her to tears,
I lost it, my temper, no way to remit,
Now I'll be suffering for years.
But I can still do as I want? and do as I please?
Loving life, partying, living for me,
No worries no cares, now seriously, don't tease;
I am free, but I'm pushed and shoved like a interviewee.
Woke up again, determined I'd not harm,
But no more that I said, I went straight on ahead,
Pulled out narcotics,
Swallowed, like some sort of robotics.
All these habits, these habits
They haunt me like I'm a terrible disease;
I try to stop, really, I must!
But they bring me to my knees;
Oh why do I do them? They're really not just.
Day after day, I return to these wonts
Like a drunk to his whiskey,
Like a dog to his vomit, no matter if I promise I won't;
I do again and again, even though it be risky.
But still, I am free, free as a bird?
Freer than wind, freer than free?
But I do not what I want, that seems absurd!
I am free to the core, free to the will,
This body won't listen still.
So if I am free, why I am subject to will.
Because I'm a slave, a slave to my own leisure,
A slave to my own pleasure,
Working so hard to please myself,
That's when all freedom is left on the shelf.
I looked hard searched for the answer,
Finding the truth, and now its spreading like cancer;
I'm a slave to me, just a slave to sin,
I can't do what I want, or as I please;
All I do is for me, following my heart like it's some sort of disease
A slave to sin, oh how it's taken me over,
Under it's rule, calling me in, like in a game of Red Rover.
So while I am free, yet I am a bound?
I do the things I don't want, and don't do the things I do
It's tyranny, just beats me to the ground;
It's like I'm subject to a rule so much greater than me;
A rule so much greater than what you see.
So no, I am not subject to you,
No, I am not subject to law,
I am not ruled through and through;
Or am I? Just subject to flaw,
Subject to sin, Subject to me,
How can it be? That I'm really not free.