food for thought

By , NewYork, NY
Looking somewhere down the line I was told to lift my head.
Whenever I wanted to cry I told to smile instead.
Whenever I said I love you I was told to take it back.
They said I didn’t know what love is & until I’m older love will lack.
When I know that something’s missing, I always seem to look.
Looking in the wrong places I result back to a book.
The one thing that has no answers but takes up most of my time,
It’s my something when I’m nothing looking down the line.
Staring at my feet, it’s becoming cold, I’m lost in thought, thinking, crying, smiling, and screaming.
All that I have lost, the past’s becoming old.
And as the nights become longer & I become weaker instead of stronger, I’ll pretend to be all right without you.
Though I know I’m mentally getting nowhere I figure at least I have a cause.
A reason for the things I do, my why, what, where, when & who.
A reason for the things I say.
Some hope to get me through the day.
A secret that everyone already knows,
Just how far I’m willing to go, and until my time is up, whether it’s wrong or right.
I’ve lost my place, I’ve lost my life, and I’ve lost almost everything, but my strength to fight.
It keeps me going, & gives me sight.
They say you’re not worth it; you’re not the good type.
Not relationship material, too many problems at this time, I was told to stay away & deal with my own instead of cry.
I was told to keep my head up, eventually it’ll work. If were meant to be then in the end we’ll see what it’s worth just you & me.
Looking somewhere down such a dark path, I continuously think about the past.
I remember, I smile, I feel ok, so will it last or will you go away?
Now that you’re gone there’s little to say so I nod my head & whisper goodbye.
As anger gets the best of me it’s not too deep inside I cry.
I must admit that I will miss you though I don’t regret my biggest mistake,
Going back to where I came from I’m left with little to say.
As I watch history repeat its self I think there must be something wrong.
But it seems that though it’s not enough I still manage to get along.
I tell you I’m not mad, for the mere fact I cannot speak, look you in the eye or walk right past your feet.
I’m angrier with myself for I’ve never been so blind. I’ve always been the smart one walking down the line.
Somehow my vision changed, the world seemed to overcome. I grew smaller & smaller, into what I’ve now become.
When the weight became too much to handle I dropped it all at once, looked up at everyone around me & said I’ve had enough.
I walked away with fury; there was fire in my eyes, tears built with in my heart remembering the mess I left behind.
As I continued to move forward I became more broken and confused, not knowing which road to take or what would be my next move.
As everybody watched me, their piercing eyes locked in a stare, some stood, some sat, & some were motionless with glare.
When nothing made any sense, when things were backwards & upside down it seemed I always tried to fix it. I had to turn things around.
I pitied those in my position & tried to save them before they were in too deep. But it seemed I could never have the power, the magic touch or the reach.
The door seemed so close but as I ran it grew further and further away.
It was my only way out, but in this dark tunnel for now is where I stay.
I must find my way out, can anyone hear me scream? A desperate cry for help, anyone….anyone….please… a little food for thought, this is no vision that I see. To you it’s not that not that bad but it’s my reality.





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