My Pain | Teen Ink

My Pain

April 3, 2012
By Anonymous

Warm smile, soft skin
Puppy eyes, slow kisses.
Never again will I feel that kind of tender love.
I thought you weren’t for me,
I hurt you day after day, pushing you away.
Now you’re through, you’re done with forever.
I have to move on, and pretend it never happened.
For if I remember, I can’t bear the pain.
Muscles ache, insides churn
Eating away at me, the guilt and the tears
I wish I could change, I wish I could go back
And appreciate what love I had
You gave me everything, and I gave you nothing.
I deserve this, I deserve every bit of pain I feel.
You were ripped from my heart,
I will bleed forever.
Now I know I love you, I promise I mean it this time
No, you are through.
The worst part of all is I don’t blame you
I wouldn’t love me either.
If only I got one more chance-
I used up every chance you gave me.
If you had died before this, you would still love me.
But you are alive, and now feel nothing.
Do you ever think of me?
No, because I caused you pain.
Now I have to bear this loneliness,
Your perfect image ingrained in my mind.
Please just hate me or hit me
For I can bear the ugly image of you.
But not this, not this guilt I feel.
I didn’t think you were the one,
But now you’re gone, and I have nothing
Except for this memory of myself with me in your arms
Your love, my indifference
Your pain, my indifference.
Oh, how the world turns upside down.
I deserve every inch of pain I feel.

The author's comments:
I just wrote this poem hoping to project my pain from a two and a half year break-up onto paper, and free myself from my guilt.

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