My Life Cycle

April 3, 2012
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I await for the darkness,
to allow me to dream,
only five minutes to nine,
but like an hour it will seem.

I awake to my empty mind,
struggling to break away,
my eyes red and teary,
but I convince myself that I'm okay.

It's 1 a.m. and I'm exhausted,
I lift my body carefully,
to avoid the dizziness,
but my mind spins to a place disobeying.

Before I know it I faint,
fall upon my bed,
dream I say and do things,
I wouldn't do and would've never said.

Now 3:30 and I awake,
twisting and turning I can't stay still,
I try to find my comfort and place,
but for some reason thoughts of blood in my mind I fill.

Without desire I get up,
walk to my drawer and find my blades,
slice 20 times gushing out blood,
and I know this will scar and never fade.

Another mark,
another mistake,
so meaningless,
in this world so fake.

4:50 and I'm shaking,
avoiding the nightmare,
that causes me pain,
and it's so unfair.

I scream in my pillow,
and make several scratch marks,
stuck deep in a hole,
in my life that's so dark.

creep out of bed,
straight to my bathroom,
and unwillingly purge,
then make way to my room.

Dream some more,
blur it all out,
repeat my life cycle,
...there's no way out.

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