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Innocent smile of mine - a selfharm poem

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We’re all the same on the inside. We’re all dark, we’re all alive, We’re all dead, we’re all deprived.

No more joy, no more sadness, No emotion, only madness. I can't see. I don't feel. I can't touch. I don't heal.

I'm not my usual self being quiet and lonely isn't 'me', Crying all night, acting all day, this isn't how it's supposed to be.

Everyday is dark, There’s no light, Whatever I do it’s never right, Everything is negative, I feel so insecure I don’t know what to do anymore.

Behind this innocent smile of mine, lay words left unsaid. Words of longing, love, anger, and hate, all repeated inside my head. I'm hurting so bad inside I just wish you could see, I'm struggling to be someone that isn't even close to me.

I sit in my room, and hide in my shell, The life that I’m living, my own private hell. The crimson tears, down my arm they run. I look down, what have I done?

I guess it’s my only way to let it out, I wanna scream, I wanna shout. But I don’t make a sound, I keep it inside. I wanna break out, but instead I hide.

I’m looking at this girl in the mirror who is crying tonight, Nothing I can say or do will make her alright.

She holds the knife to her skin, She isn’t afraid of dying, She’s only afraid of the pain it’ll bring, And to see her best friends crying.





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moderndayEmilyDickinson This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 18, 2014 at 1:35 pm
This is so sad. I've never attempted self-harm, but I did think of attempting something bigger than that. When I went through depression and hard times, all I could think was that I'm so tired. If this makes sense, my heart was tired. I thought, "I could just end it all," but someone or something stopped me. I'm so glad that you stopped self-harm; know that you're a treasure and that someone is always cheering for you!!! Thank you, for sharing this!!!
 
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