What I've been going through

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Time flew by without me catching up, my mind still wonders through December of 2011
Where time was happy and life was blissful.
Where i could do anything freely without worrying.
Where i enjoyed life, being peaceful and relaxed.
A time when i didn't feel much negative emotions such as sadness, anger, hatred
And a new thing that i felt.

A new thing i felt,
Was somewhat difficult to be explained.
A feeling like i lost my soul, but i was still alive, still conscious,
My mortal shell was still in place,
Doing whatever i was wanted to do,
My orders, responsibilities, work,
I felt like i was dead but not quite like that,
A robot perhaps?
Being turned on and off, when i was needed or not,
Doing something i didn't want to by force,
Responsibilities that i need to accomplish,
What i never signed up for.

Time flew by,
Leaving a pile of chores for the emotionless robot,
Never waiting for it to finish and continued to throw commands everywhere,
Expecting the soulless robot to catch and complete everything.
The robot felt like crying but didn't know how,
Its soul was lost wandering through space,
I knew my soul was somewhere out there,
Still exists but lost,
It can only briefly know where and what my shell was going through,
Wondering if it was okay.

Writing this,
I felt my soul coming back,
Because i felt the negative emotions applied onto my mortal shell,
I felt everything,
It was like watching an old TV series rerun,
But was i gone too long?
Adapted to the feeling of hopeless and loneliness?
Because i looked in the mirror
And i still saw my new mask,
My new eyes, hiding everything i gone through.
My new face showing a fake smile.

Who knew going to school would cause so much pain?
Or was it my own fault being like this?
Am i too introvert?
Am i still human?
Can i still know what it was like to be happy?
All i can do now is reminisce,
The old blissful days... ...

My soul,
Still watching my shell... ...





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