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Jagged Edges

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Have you ever felt alone in the group?
Ever convinced yourself
'Hey, life is fine!
Why wouldn't it be?'
Waking up sobbing
For reasons you're not sure of.
Although you feel like you should know.
'Why am I such a stranger to myself?'
On the outside looking in.
Masking all the feelings
They don't want to see;
Picture perfect, see?
Are you happy?
I hope you are,
When I can't be.
And in all the shades of grey,
I match up each emotion.
My 'happy' grey today
And the next day and the next.
Until I've shaded in the lines,
But you can never really hide
The jagged edges of your life.

Don't talk to me on Saturdays.
I'm there but far away.
In a land,
Feels like a dream.
But it's real
It's real
It's real.
So you can try to phone
But I'll be singing
As always.
When I'm taking the spotlight
In the musical of my life.
The people in my real-world-dream,
Yes, they're real too,
Although you never see them.
So I understand your doubts.
They sing too, you know.
And find the blackbox theater.
Wondering from everywhere,
To the real-world-dream escape.
Slowly,
But surly,
The dreamers help to smooth
The jagged edges of my life.

You can't take back words,
I've tried.
When I say something stupid,
To her in particular,
And why does she like me again?
When she's so perfectly not perfect
And I'm so unperfectly just not.
And being in love?
Being in love when you're still trying to figure out why you love her,
her, though it's a new concept and you can't avoid the truth forever.
Just a little while.
So being in love?
Yeah I wish I weren't
But she's a dreamer too.
We need to stick together
And I need to smooth the edges.
For I'd like to stay a while.
So much I haven't done
And so much time left to live.
What is living anyway.
Is this living?
The secret keeper.
See her?
Keeping the secrets of the others
But most of all her own.
Can't I give away my secrets?
To someone who has room to spare?
I'd like to know what life is like
Before its over.
It all comes and goes too fast.
I don't want to be that person,
That person,
who can't find the way back to the real-world-dream
and in a blur is gone.
Fades to nothing.
And after a while,
The memories she left behind,
They join her in 'nothing' too.
And I'm thinking and thinking
All over again.
Aren't I always thinking?
The dreamers separated
By barricades of notes and staffs.
Isn't this what I wanted?
Here but so far away.
And look at me,
In the middle of the ensemble,
Wearing my 'happy' shade of grey,
Laughing with them,
A part of them,
Yet so alone with all
The jagged edges of my life.



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