Let Go

March 22, 2012
By thetruthawaits94 SILVER, Duncan, Oklahoma
thetruthawaits94 SILVER, Duncan, Oklahoma
9 articles 0 photos 353 comments

Favorite Quote:
Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, but learning to dance in the rain.

A little girl in polka dots,
Skipped along the streets this day,
She gripped the string of her balloon
Color of the morning sun in May,
Oh how she loved her bubble of air-
She’d never let it float away,
But say she had let loose,
Well, people may have heard others say…

Look at that! A drifting orb of yellow,
Closest thing to light I’ve seen today,
I wonder if it knows where the sun did go,
Maybe the place my husband left long ago,
Leaving his wife a widow…
This world needs more color like that balloon!
I’ll garden some flowers of rainbow,
… Smiling feels nice… I’ve got tulips to grow!

Look at that! A flying lone dome,
Same color of the ribbon on our door,
Showing my papa’s still in the battle zone,
He’s been fighting in the war for so long…
Maybe it’s a sign, Daddy’s coming home!
For now, I’ll write some letters,
Let the soldiers know they aren’t alone,
… I hope he calls soon… Yes, I hear the phone!

Look at that! A lost balloon,
One can lose something beautiful in a moment…
I’m not letting her get away; I’ll make her swoon,
I’ll save up all my money, buy a nice ring,
Propose to her under all the stars and moon,
I love her! Why have I taken so long?
I’m gonna make this girl my wife, and it’ll be soon,
… A simple happening… Now I’m ready to be a groom!

What joy a little balloon had spread
To people wherever it did blow,
But none of that ever happened for the girl never did
Let go.

The author's comments:
This is a poem about sharing your happiness with others and what can happen if you don't keep it all for yourself.

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This article has 7 comments.

on Aug. 18 2012 at 12:50 am
thetruthawaits94 SILVER, Duncan, Oklahoma
9 articles 0 photos 353 comments

Favorite Quote:
Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, but learning to dance in the rain.

Yes! That is exactly my point of view here. Share joy, spread happiness, and amazing things can happen that you would have never guessed possible from such a simple act. Of course, the balloon is a metaphor intended to represent JOY. Thanks so much for reading! It makes me sooo happy that you liked it!

on Jul. 25 2012 at 12:25 am
Neonlimabean GOLD, Wyoming, Michigan
11 articles 1 photo 7 comments
This is beautiful! I love how you showed multiple different realistic reactions. The fact that the girl didn't let go and these things didn't happen is an unfortunate truth in the world. I'm not sure if this is what you were trying to say, but what I got from your poem was that there isn't going to be a signal to let you know when something's going to happen or when to do something. You have to do it yourself. Thank you for crafting this work of art and keep it up. :)

Eirias SILVER said...
on Jul. 21 2012 at 7:53 am
Eirias SILVER, Spring, Texas
5 articles 0 photos 71 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you wish to be a writer, write" -Epictetus

Yes! If you rewrite it, I would love to see it. I agree that you might not need consitant meter, but an awareness of it definately helps . . . a lot of times before I paid attention to meter, I didn't like a piece but couldn't figure out why. Now, I can usually attribute it to awkward meter (this even helped me on my prose, too). And by the way, I love giving a piece intense editing. A lot of people give a piece a one-time read, and then decide that was enough; perfectionist that I am, I like to keep rereading until it's perfect (or as near as the author is going to get).

And no, you haven't affended me . . . I just thought it was funny that you thought I was formal, because I was asking for so much help beacuse I usually (at that point in time) was NOT formal. I have those inspiriational moments too, but I haven't been getting them as often. That's another way the meter helps; it can often help get you started, and once you are in the middle of a piece, all sorts of inspiration happens. For me, practicing meter is kinda like doing musical scales or practicing chess tactics (sorry I couldn't give you a tennis analogy, I don't know that much about sports . . . perhaps it is like dribbling the ball?).

My best advice for this piece (about what I said about inspiration as you start writing: pretty much all I was going to say was "sure, I'd love to read this again"--the rest I've just thought of after the fact) is to write it with some form of meter deliberately in mind (actually, write in 3 times--in iambs, trochees, and dactyls) and then mess up the meter on purpose, stealing the best parts from each of the different versions.

I did something like that once, and it really worked out. I wrote a poem about math, and then I rewrote certain stanzas, keeping the subject, but not looking at the previous example. So I had different rhyming words, but that helped me see a lot of what I liked about each version, and what I didn't like.

And about my writing: I'm glad that you think so, but I don't. I do have flashes of inspiration that turn up halfway decent pieces, but what I really do is edit. I take my junk piece and fix it up into what you see and seem to enjoy. That's why I really like to see other writing that starts off so much better, so I can help polish it up into something truly majestic. Thanks again, and I'd be happy to look at anything else in-depth if you'd like (but more than likely, I won't be so nice. This really was such an exceptional idea for me to give the praise I did. I also judged for the school magazine last year, so it doesn't bother me to reject anything and not apologize anymore.)

on Jul. 19 2012 at 1:12 pm
thetruthawaits94 SILVER, Duncan, Oklahoma
9 articles 0 photos 353 comments

Favorite Quote:
Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, but learning to dance in the rain.

I'm definitely going to attempt to rewrite this poem. I agree that - I don't know about meter- but the flow is definitely weak and choppy in some places! If i rewrite this today (or sometime soon) can i ask you to reread it for me? :) And thank you, I'm glad you like the purpose of the poem!

P.S. - I hope I never offended you before by saying that you write "formally". I think your style is brilliant and unique to most on Teenink which is important! I think what i mean to say is that I can never sit down and say, "I'm going to write poetry now." When I get inspiration, I just sort of throw it on paper and hope it comes out sounding okay/good., before my inspiration goes away. I think in the future I could get my thoughts on paper fast, and then rework it so that it has better meter, etc., like you are saying! Anyway, you're a great writer, and thanks for the critique!

Eirias SILVER said...
on Jun. 10 2012 at 10:22 pm
Eirias SILVER, Spring, Texas
5 articles 0 photos 71 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you wish to be a writer, write" -Epictetus

Like Bill, I unfortunately had to leave the site because of those same glitches. I switched to GoogleChrome, and it works fine now. So, my apologies for absence. Now, about the piece:

Wow. I love this concept. The execution, not so much, but more about that later. This idea . . . that letting go lets other experience the joy . . . I have no words.

You once told me that you don't write "formally" like I do. There are so many misconceptions to that statement! "Relative Perspectives" was actually my first attempt at standard meter (ironically, my latest in the forums is standard metrically as well . . . ), but that's not really "formal" at all. In fact, that's what poetry really is. The idea is that placing boundaries is what truly sets one free. At least try it--structuring your poem will definately help your intuitive flow. (The best book I've ever read on poetry is The Ode Less Travelled by Stephen Fry. I strongly encourage you to read it; you will grow so much). The point is that I thought this would start of with a set meter, and then it didn't. Forget "formality" or whatever--this would be vasty improved by having a consistant rythm.

I won't give you hard suggestions to change the words and phrases (unless of course you ask me too), but I strongly encourage you to think abou it. The heart of this piece is so strong, I just wish it was as pretty on the outside as it is inside (which isn't to say you don't use amazing imagery and powerful word choice but I just really want to see this at its full potential). 

And one small thing: don't use "say" on line 7. Use a different word--it can easily be miscontrued, and you used it again (differently) on the next line.

Best Wishes! And I do think this is the best I've seen from you yet.

on Mar. 24 2012 at 5:56 pm
thetruthawaits94 SILVER, Duncan, Oklahoma
9 articles 0 photos 353 comments

Favorite Quote:
Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, but learning to dance in the rain.

Thanks! Actually I haven't been on the site for a long while, either, but just recently I had some free time on my hands so i got back on, and i just submitted this one! Thanks so much for your comment! I would love to read some more of your work, too!

BillM GOLD said...
on Mar. 24 2012 at 4:48 pm
12 articles 0 photos 26 comments
I haven't been on the site in a while because I was having problems being able to comment and see my own work. It fixed itself today and I saw you were still on the forums and I really wanted to check out your work and see how you've progressed in your writing.  Honestly, this is the most beautiful and insightful piece I've ever read by you.  It invokes so much emotion and has so much depth; I can really see the connections you are making in your writing.  Those are the steps writers take towards becoming great.  You are definitely improving as a writer and it's wonderful to see! I've written a few more pieces.  One is on the site and the other is on the forums.  You can see that my writing has continued to become more abstract and harder for teens to connect to, but yours is absolutely connectable on every level and it was a pleasure reading this poem!


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