Why can't you change for me? You left me alone. Why the drugs? Is it because you were mourning her? You know, I miss her too/ She was my sister... But in a situation like this, you need you mother. You weren't there when I need you most. I was hurting so badly, and I still am. I don't remember you ever being a mother to me. You lost one child, then you let the other two slip away. You didn't even realize it until we were already gone. Now you decide you want us back, you can't have that. You always wanted the "party lifestyle", now you have it. You can do whatever you please now. It hurts so badly. I didn't want to let you know you hurt me, but I have to. I see my friends, how they don't appreciate their mothers who love and care for them. It makes me want to scream, "I want that!" I want a mom. I want a friend that I'm bound to by blood and love, to hold me. Someone to stop my crying rather than cause it. Someone I can tell about my day or what I want to wear. A mother I can think about without feeling the need to hit something. You never listened to a thing I said. You didn't even listen when I told you that he hurt me. You were so focused on what you wanted. All I wanted was to feel safe and loved in my own home. I have to live with those feelings everyday. You just can't seem to get it through your head. You're so inconsiderate, you don't care about anyone but yourself. Because of you, I've lost two sisters and a mother. I don't understand you. I don't understand why you put me through this, why you put my baby sister through it. She's not a baby anymore, she's thirteen... since you probably didn't know that. I hate you. Why can't you change that?
March 21, 2012