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Fools gold

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It pains me like a knife in the heart
Stabbing me over and over
To hear the word “I love her”
My steady resolve is slowly falling apart
What I need is our relationship to restart
Or maybe I just need a proper closer
But my love for you burns stronger than ever
Has my image in your mind gone tart?
The girl with the warm brown eyes
Make my blue seem cold and cruel
But to believe a beautiful face makes you a complete fool
She is the girl that other women despise
Soon, you too, will be fed up with her lies
For she is fool’s gold, a non-valuable jewel.



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This article has 7 comments. Post your own!

pandagirl312 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jun. 6, 2012 at 10:55 am:
First saying that I did like this poem, I want to provide one thought of constructive criticism. Even though the poem is titled with the subject of the metaphor (fool's gold), the metaphor that really should be the bulk of the poem doesn't really become obvious until the last line. If you were to write something similar again, then I would suggest putting the last line higher in the poem, followed by the lines that explain the poem (lines 13-14 maybe). With that being said, nice job.
 
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ELM522 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
May 26, 2012 at 8:11 pm:
This is a great poem!  I enjoyed the metaphor of the fool's gold.
 
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IMAdreamerThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Apr. 6, 2012 at 7:12 pm:
Some girls really r like that, it's sick! U know I found out that the way people imitate girls' voices al sassy and such is actually a stereo type for all! Some girls at my school do just that. Sometimes I have to wonder if it's all guys that just go for the eyecandy. Of coarse I know it's not but it seems that way sometimes. Nice job
 
illusions replied...
Apr. 11, 2012 at 8:48 am :
Yes it does seem that sometimes guys just go for the eye candy. Unforchaly this was writtene about my best friend since forever.
 
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IamtheshyStargirlThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Mar. 30, 2012 at 12:23 pm:

Interesting :) Your flow is really good in this, though there was one ajective that made no sense to me; how does an image in someone's mind go 'tart'? 

I liked this, you express longing and heartbreak with a certainty for disaster really well :)

 
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theexpendablechild said...
Mar. 29, 2012 at 8:42 pm:
very nice poem someone i  know is in a position like this and i cna relate to where you are coming from
 
illusions replied...
Apr. 16, 2012 at 2:33 pm :

thank you

 

 
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