A New Perspective

March 16, 2012
By Ariya GOLD, Charleston, South Carolina
Ariya GOLD, Charleston, South Carolina
12 articles 1 photo 25 comments

Favorite Quote:
Some men just want to watch the world burn.
-Alfred (Batman Begins)


How the dark night
Her end in sight
The last seconds of life drifted away
She wished she hadn't come this fateful day
When she had terrorized she never thought
The victims of the reconciliation she had sought
Would ever do anything like this
As she readied for death's quiet kiss
She thought of the events that brought her here
How she had stopped to dry a tear
Covered the newest bruise with makeup
And snuck out before he could get up
Before with bottle in hand he could give more so called love
She hoped her father in heaven would treat her better above
The boy she and her friends were especially mean to
Danced around as if there were things in his shoes
She had left the bonfire's safe side to get a drink
He had followed and into the shadows he did slink
He came at her with a strange look in his eyes
She yelled but he muffled her desperate cries
He began to speak in a deadly calm way
She tried to run not listening to what he had to say
He caught a hold of her waist
Then the pain came with a bitter taste
The red warmth of pain and suffering bloomed
At that moment she knew she was doomed
The inevitable as a dark cloud loomed
Her end was near in sight
Oh ,how dark the night

The author's comments:
This is the background of the girl who was killed by the boy in "Social Murder" one of my other poems. It kind of shows the other side of bullying. The girl being the bully but her father is an alcoholic who physically abuses her.

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This article has 13 comments.


Lia692 said...
on Jun. 30 2012 at 10:58 am
Lia692, Spokane, Washington
0 articles 0 photos 45 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Life should be viewed from afar and lived from close up."

Wow. I agree with AgentOrange789; the rhymes seem a tad out of place, but the subtle character-building is fantastically done.

on Mar. 29 2012 at 12:49 am
AgentOrange789 GOLD, Friendswood, Texas
16 articles 0 photos 59 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It's a saying they have, that a man has a false heart in his mouth for the world to see, another in his breast to show to his special friends and his family, and the real one, the true one, the secret one, which is never known to anyone except to himself alone, hidden only God knows where."
-James Clavell, "Shogun"

Very nice, although to me the rhymes seem a little awkward and forced at times. Still very good though. I like the way it's told...I can't quite put my finger on it. 

on Mar. 28 2012 at 9:04 pm
Behind_a_Plastic_Smile GOLD, Roseville, California
17 articles 1 photo 129 comments

Favorite Quote:
"if you're not 1st you're last"

this was good-very powerful. there were times (just like twice) when the rhym seemed a little to forced andl it slightly interupted the flow, but hardly because it just moved so well. L also very mush enjoyed your word chioce.

on Mar. 28 2012 at 7:05 am
Eshshah PLATINUM, Galloway, New Jersey
32 articles 31 photos 239 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The woods are lovely, dark and deep. But I have promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep." -Robert Frost

It's nice, but the punctuation is a little off at times- for example, you have "oh ,how dark night..."with the comma in the wrong place.

 


NickyJ BRONZE said...
on Mar. 27 2012 at 3:39 pm
NickyJ BRONZE, Hyde Park, New York
1 article 0 photos 138 comments

Favorite Quote:
“In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.” ~Robert Frost

I don't really like the lack of punctuation but thats a personal preference. I think the story it tells is a bit generic but you wrote it well enough. The rhyming helps keep the reader's attention and continue the flow, which is good.

I particularly like the last few lines. They stand out to me the most.

on Mar. 26 2012 at 6:38 pm
Jokorium SILVER, Union Gap, Washington
8 articles 0 photos 4 comments
This was a very great piece!
I love that it flowed so easily, as it made it easier to follow along and hear it as if spoken aloud.
You have some talent. :)

Ariya GOLD said...
on Mar. 26 2012 at 5:37 pm
Ariya GOLD, Charleston, South Carolina
12 articles 1 photo 25 comments

Favorite Quote:
Some men just want to watch the world burn.
-Alfred (Batman Begins)

Thanks for all the compliments and I almost always ryme when I write poetry it just makes it seem more poetic to me. (if that makes sense)  

on Mar. 26 2012 at 9:44 am
maizyiscrazy GOLD, Washington, District Of Columbia
10 articles 53 photos 262 comments

Favorite Quote:
I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe in miracles. ~Audrey Hepburn

I exactly agree with loveissmiles. You did amazing with this one, awesome job!

on Mar. 21 2012 at 11:30 pm
Jessi_suarez1 GOLD, Kissimmee, Florida
16 articles 0 photos 98 comments
very good ! im impressed :) u are very talented keep it up !

on Mar. 21 2012 at 11:29 am
thetruthawaits94 SILVER, Duncan, Oklahoma
9 articles 0 photos 353 comments

Favorite Quote:
Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, but learning to dance in the rain.

This is very good! It's very easy to read. The rhyming makes it flow and it doesn't seem forced at all! Awesome job!

on Mar. 21 2012 at 9:30 am
loveissmiles GOLD, Lynn, Indiana
13 articles 0 photos 102 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I live for the nights I can't remember with the people I will never forget." -Carassisa M-<3

"What the mind can perceive, the body can achieve." -Softball Coach Steve B-

Agreed. I loved it, but hated it because i could feel the pain. Which is also why i loved it. (I know that makes no sense.) But it was compelling and extremely powerful. You are definately talented. =]

on Mar. 21 2012 at 7:31 am
beautifulspirit PLATINUM, Alpharetta, Georgia
35 articles 0 photos 1401 comments

Favorite Quote:
The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.
--Eleanor Roosevelt

Yeah I agree with dreamshaker. The poem was well written. I like how the last line of the poem reflected back to the beginning---that was great. Good job!

on Mar. 20 2012 at 7:30 pm
dreamshaker GOLD, Clarkston, Michigan
18 articles 0 photos 88 comments

This was very powerful - I'm usually not much for rhyming poems (I can't rhyme to save my life...and I'm bitter about it) but this was actually very well done.

I loved the concept (as deranged as that probably makes me sound). It was, again, very powerful - you did a really nice job with the subject matter. I especially loved the closing line - it was absolutely perfect. You just packed it to the brim with meaning.

Well done - I enjoyed it. :)



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