Given Up

March 16, 2012
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Wanting to die and cut everyday is terrifyingly terrible,
All I wish for life to be is bearable.
I dream dreams where I am in pain and where I suffer,
Neither when I am awake nor asleep serves as a buffer.

As I drive my nails or a blade into my wrist I get a rush of satisfying pain,
I know that sounds insane but it helps me to forget it all and trick my brain.
I stopped drinking and smoking to try to get into a healthy state of mind.
Since that isn’t working maybe that decision I’ll rewind.

I don’t want to live this life of distress any longer,
All I want is for something or someone to make me stronger,
I cant live this life where I am in constant pain and confusion,
The devil keeps coming into my life and committing an intrusion.

My life just seems to be falling apart,
Everyone and everything just keep breaking my heart.
I have bee going one many first dates and then breaking it off like a branch of a tree,
I just keep thinking her lips are dripping honey, but she will sting me like a bee.

I can’t keep it together because my sister, grandparents, brother, and dog are ill.
I feel like I am trying to push a boulder up a steep hill.
All I want is a drink and a cigarette to ease the anxiety,
But I know if I have them there will never be a sense of piety.

My job, car, music, and dogs are the only things in my life that are keeping me sane,
Other than that I feel like I have lost control like a runaway train.
I have lost my friends that I have known since I was young,
For this I think that I did everything wrong and deserve to be hung.

I do not believe that anyone can help me, which make me grieve,
I believe that I will be miserable forever and that everyone not in my place is naïve,
I will forever be unhappy and in deep utter despair.
Nothing will ever be right, or ever seem fair.

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