March 16, 2012
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Transgression, disparity, terror, and pain ran through my veins,
I lost all hope and felt like my soul was imprisoned with shackles and chains.
I tried to take my own life, but did not succeed,
When I resulted to alcohol, from my emotions I was freed.

I hated my life, and wanted to die,
Everyday I would lie in my bed, stare at the ceiling, and start to cry.
Life was so miserable, so deplorable, and so unpleasant,
I worried about everything from my past, future, and present.

I started to become numb, and not have any cares or fears,
I would not become emotional anymore, because I cried out all of my tears.
I lost my love, my happiness, my self-esteem, my faith, and my friends,
Suicidal thoughts perpetually raced through my mind, thinking of the most painless of ends.

I stopped trying, and said I was done,
The devil has conquered my soul and mind, because he has won.
I wanted to die but did not know how,
Physical pain is the one thing that scared me, and the one thing I would not allow.

I sat there pondering over my depression,
I kept reiterating to myself that I have never done anything to deserve this horrible digression.
I kept saying to myself that I don’t matter, I’m not important, and that no one cares,
My heart and soul have been broken too many times, and are in need of major repairs.

Too many people have hurt me, have left me, and have rejected me,
I wish and dream every night and every day that from my past I was free.
I do not know who to love and who to trust,
I do not know if my friends and family love me for me, or only out of pity and lust.

Just as I was about to give up and stop trying,
I then came to the realization that I have no desire in dying.
Even though I am not afraid of death and pain,
Suicide and self-mutilation I vowed not to sustain.

I have concluded that I need to get myself well,
This epiphany will save me from an eternity in hell.
Now I am on the road to recovery,
I have come to a realization that the despair will end, which is my greatest discovery.

Help, guidance, and wisdom is what I need,
I am going to attempt to get better; this is what I have decreed.
I will do anything to relieve my mental distress,
I want my recovery not only to be joyful, but a success.

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