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A Vintage Mix to Fix my Hair

March 16, 2012
By KirkSchuchardt SILVER, Sheboygan, Wisconsin
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KirkSchuchardt SILVER, Sheboygan, Wisconsin
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I wash my hair using
dried banana leaves, the
excrements of Cuban worms,
and ground up cinnamon sticks so
I can smell like a fresh grizzly bear.
I cream and frost
my hair with this black
paste I concocted, then dip my
scalp in a vat of near-boiling salt water
for fifteen minutes.
With my head
sopping wet in the
air I next douse myself
with salmon-scented perfume.
My hair’s glossy condition usually lasts for a month.

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