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Shatter, pitter-patter. Won’t open, or close, it’s stuck, problems arose and its bad luck. Step on a black cat, walk under a ladder, got something wrong with you, because you can’t stop emptying your bladder. I try to sympathise, so I panic, I now do it naturally; it’s a bit of a habit. I try to put myself in other’s shoes, because even when I’m wearing my own I haven’t got a clue, so at least if I’m wearing somebody else’s shoes, I have a better reason… well really it’s more of an excuse. I brush myself off; tell myself I’m okay, think about having no fear, when really I’m petrified, even worse than afraid. I remind you that you’re not a parasite, you’re more like dynamite, and you’re fit to explode, but you find a way to retain some control. You think of yourself as a dino, when I see more of a rhino, in you. It is a façade, your pretend rough exterior, it seems like you have motives and they appear to be ulterior. I’ve made the assumption that you’re truly a good person, but if you don’t soon openly act that way, things will become over-complicated and your condition might even worsen. I’m only looking out for you, why do you not get where I’m at? I’m not discarding you like the others did, so please at least respect that.



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This article has 4 comments. Post your own!

KateLA said...
Apr. 17, 2012 at 5:51 pm:
I like how it progresses as your thinking changes-I love it when I see other people getting so creative and doing something different! 5/5! The rhyming was a good addition to it by the way :-)
 
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torilutz8 said...
Apr. 14, 2012 at 3:59 pm:
Really nice, but my only comment would be that it's unclear as to what you're trying to say and the format is a little hard to read. Maybe break it up a little more. But nice rhymes and word choice :)
 
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loveissmiles said...
Mar. 20, 2012 at 9:29 am:

Oh my goodness nameskill, this is beautiful. Wierd, abnormal even, but beautiful. I love this. I love the way it feels like someone is just talking to me. Personally, i think that's a very good quality in poetry. It is extremely well written, and if you would please give me some feedback on some of my other pieces. I would mean so much to me.

 

I am very sad to hear that your submissions are not going through right, i was really looking fo... (more »)

 
NamesKill. replied...
Mar. 25, 2012 at 1:07 pm :

Thank you very much Loveissmiles!!... I agree, I do even write the simplest of things with a tone of unusuality :)

Thanks, I'm glad you feel that way, I would be more than happy to give you some more feedback on your work!

Thank you once more for your comments this has been of much use to me... Again nothing has been approved by T.I as of yet but I shall let you know straight away if/when any of my pieces do & I would be very happy if you fedback to me on them too. =)... (more »)

 
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