With Love

February 27, 2012
It hurts so much my lungs have frozen over.
They’re cold in my chest and my breathing is suppressed.
I can’t believe this is what it’s come to…
These feelings, I mean.
How they’re crammed in the dark parts of my heart
But bursting at the seams.
Sometimes it shows in the gleam of my eyes
And I’m so sorry that it isn’t that easy to hide.
You think I’m a lurid-lurker
Some silly girl that can’t stay away
You’re right, but please don’t judge me
I’ve never felt this way before.
Is this what loves supposed to feel like?
Death in the emotional form?
A plague that haunts ones soul and causes bleeding in the walls?
If it is, what’s a girl to do with it?
Try and tame it despite its flesh lusting claws?
Is it worth it in the end?
Is it worth the stolen looks and sideways glances?
The concealed stares through curtains of hair?
Is love all that great?
Are all those damn poems and love songs and movies true?
I see no happy horizons
And these feelings encroach even further inside.
I hate you. I hate you so much your name gives me chills.
Love and hate seem like fire and ice from a distance
But I realize they’re like lovers now.
They kiss in between thunderous fights
And keep young girls like me up at night.
Never mind it though, I evidently don’t hate you.
Not that you would care.
Not that you would mind.
I hold no spot in any crevice of your heart.
Why can’t I remember that? Why can’t I set myself free?
Love is a fantasy, I tell you, if what I’m feeling now is how it’s meant to be.
It’s a fantasy. I hate it, but it keeps growing
Always thriving
Feeding off your beauty.
Rip it out! Tear it out! Or at least make me beautiful.
Melt the ice inside my lungs.
Make my insides warm and my breath not as heavy.
I’d do it on my own, but I’m just not ready.

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