I sit alone.
Contemplating the past
Terrified of the future.
Why does it hurt so much?
I thought I had this
Taken care of.
I’m not supposed to
Feel.
Anything.
I trained myself
Into ignoring
The hateful words they say.
The awful truths that make their way
Into my conscious mind
Attacking my subliminal soldiers
That fight so had to protect me.
That nirvana I beg for at night.
In the nice, white bed of
Self medication
Isn’t working anymore.
The fake happiness I tried
To convince myself was real
Is quickly fading.
So
Now.
I’m left wondering.
What itll be like
When I leave.
If itll be better,
Than my sad attempts
At sanity.
Will I finally
Slip into my never-ending
Oblivion?
Will I finally
Succumb to my own will?
I hope that when or if
I do.
Its worth it.