I am in the middle

Of a dark long tunnel

The color black illuminates my life

As I try to find my way out

Through optimism and hope

It all seems like such a big joke

OPTIMISM

HOPE

They say that time heals

For me

Life simply goes on in a HAZE

Each day looks the same

I love my schoolwork

Something I can throw myself into

Forget the past

Not think about the future

Not concentrate on the present

Just live each day

As if it were my last

Live each moment

As if there was no tomorrow

They say GOD is there

I say I am confused

Which god I question

Why is he rewarding me like this?

I question

What have I done to deserve life the way it is?

Why does life seem so hopeless at times?

Why do I wake up in the morning?

Feeling that life is meaningless

It is only monotonous

I look at the people around me

Partying and social circles

Takes over their minds

How can one be so laid back I ponder

Each day I stand outside my door

I hate going “home”

Nothing feels secure or safe anymore

I rather live on the streets

At times

I want to change my name

Get a new identity

And start a new life

At times

I want to run barefoot

On the streets of the city

Through the hustle-bustle

The traffic and the roads

Run till I find my inner peace

Run in random directions

Till I find my place of solitude

At times

I want to move away from civilization

Escape the social norms and unwanted advice

Live my life the way I see it

Through my values

I don’t want to follow always

I want a voice

At times I am simply confused

Confused between my emotions and logic

Confused at the decisions life has put in front of me

I wonder why I am being tested so well

Why life is playing such a game with me

There are too my rules to remember

Paths to follow

It all ends up in a mismatched puzzle

Where the puzzles don’t seem to fit in right places

Like my scattered mind

I am confused

In spirituality

Decisions

There are so many unanswered questions that rush to my mind

Are there even answers I wonder?

Is this just a phase

Or is it a flow

To life

Life…

I love sleep

Because life tends to fall apart

When I am awake

Sleep is the bliss of life

My blanket gives me peace

I stop thinking

Just dissolve away

In the depths of darkness

Peace…

None can shake me, wake me

They say you cannot escape life

It will all pass

I look back at the months

Peer into the kaleidoscope of time

I wonder for how long I have to be patient

Before everything stops being meaningless

The color black that illuminated me

Turns into a rainbow

I don’t see my mum’s death face in front of my eyes all the time

I get restful sleep

I move on

Accept change

THE NEW LIFE

Live with it

Relationship with dad improves

I don’t hate him

I don’t love him either

There is just too much of anger

About anything and everything

That refuses to melt away

I feel like going home

I remove the mask of fake strength I happen to wear

And cry….that would be the best thing to happen

Before I finally find my way out

Of this dark tunnel

Instead of sinking deeper into it

Find my inner peace

My place of solitude

Life has given me some special people

Someone who inspire me to live through each day

I believe you can never have too many friends

You can only have acquaintance

But some people enter your lives

Leaving their footprints behind

Etched in your mind and heart forever

They don’t have to be related by blood

Or be a cousin

They can just be anyone

Someone

Who shine the brightest in the sky in the end?

Yes because they inspire me

TO LIVE

To live as if there is no tomorrow

To live life till the end