I cried so hard when I realized it. I used to think about it, the feeling. The most important thing is that I’m okay. The years pass by and sometimes I get flashbacks, I remember I didn’t let him get inside my head, but he caught me deep, and I was young, he took my innocent away. I felt disgusting. My own dad (my own blood) blood is thicker than water, and I’m 100% sure that if it was done by a stranger, everything would be d i f f e r e n t. I’m fine though. The attention only makes it worse. If it didn’t happen, my life would be different. I would make better decisions. I wouldn’t have cried, I wouldn’t be so confused. I wouldn’t have drank, never would’ve smoked, would still be a virgin. I wouldn’t be as strong as I am today. I wouldn’t be able to get past my mistakes, and pick myself up from falling. I’d constantly have no clue about the world and all the bad things people could do to one another. If he didn’t hurt me, I wouldn’t even be me.
January 17, 2012