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The Story

My mother,
Once told me a story,
On the hillside,
When I was only nine;

One of radiance,
Inner beauty of sorts,
Of a perfection,
That would be mine;

If I would believe,
Hold on through it all,
The strongest storms,
Or the blissful nights;

But one night,
Was not so blissful,
I watched her go,
As I screamed in fright;

I then knew,
From that night,
That the story she told,
Of love and glory;

Was only a reminder of,
Her own false hope,
And I, myself,
Let go of the story;




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jasont727 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Feb. 18, 2012 at 1:28 am:
Wow, this piece is absolutely beautiful. I'm such a grammar nerd, but I love the way that you used the commas after each line even if they were unnecessary and how each stanza ended with a semicolon. It really brought a unique flair to the cadence and the piece as a whole. Also, the words itself were lovely. I was expecting an ending that was a bit different, perhaps something concerning how the story that you had been told your whole life had all been a lie and that led you to a sort of depress... (more »)
 
Paramour13 replied...
Feb. 20, 2012 at 11:25 am :
Wow thank you! The commas after every line and semicolon ending every stanza is just how I format my poetry. Before I started to write on my computer, I would write poems on my phone whenever I was on the road or wherever and felt inspired, I would just write what I felt. I used the commas to distinguish lines and the semicolons to distinguish stanzas. I really appreciate you taking the time to read my work. Thank you :)
 
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