Death by Autophobia

January 27, 2012

I fear many things.

I fear the cracks in the sidewalk,
The people who jaywalk,
The dentist in his clinic,
And the ants at a picnic.

The bogeymen in my closet.

What if my mind breathes life into the bogeymen I fear,
And they come to take me away?

Then, in their lair,
I will stay.

It doesn’t make sense does it?

I fear the bigger kids,
The jars with no lids,
The tall buildings,
The re-buildings,
And the tall grass.

Where dangers linger and lie in wait,
Ready to pounce.

I fear the shattered glass.
Will they punish me for it?

I fear the friends.
Aren’t they my friends?

The dead ends.
Where will I go from here?

The teachers.
Will they give me an F?

The leaders.
Where will they lead us?

The parents.
Will I disappoint them?

I fear I will disappear,
And I fear it won’t be clear,
Who is on my side.

I fear the world.

Maybe the world will swallow me up,
Leaving tiny little pieces for the rain to wash away,
Then, in the core of the earth,
I will stay.

But most of all,

I fear myself.

Because of greed of health,
And wealth,
And her,
Or jealousy of him,
Or being selfish.

What I would do for those things,
I couldn’t comprehend.

What you would do for those things…
Neither of us could truly know.

What if my desires take control,
And my actions consume me whole,
Leaving no tiny little pieces for the rain to wash away?

Alone and in despair,
I will stay.

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