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Forgiving Yourself

A guilty pleasure discovered
Produces even more shame,
And owning up to your past can
Make you wish for a new name.
20/20 hindsight they say is the clearest,
I say for those who can look back and be fearless.
For those who do not know needing to go
And erase and replace a haunting face.
When a once-stocked fridge goes suddenly beer-less,
And you wake up beside some other than your dearest
Regret and self-hate dominate what felt great
As yesterday’s pleasures are now quite fuzzy.

As you try to recall exactly what tripped your fall
You try listenin’ to Jamie and blaming the alcohol,
Listening to Blink and just saying F*** It All,
Listening to instrumentals playing music melancholic
You wish to kill part of yourself, but cutting is too symbolic
So you work yourself to the bone- a masochist workaholic
Trying to out-right your wrong, addicted like you’re hooked on phonics.
Never content with your time spent for it cannot undo the dent
That you have banged into your brain, so it slowly drives you insane.
Never able to turn the tables against younger brother Abel
Your sacrificing of yourself will never be enough, as
A bad tee shot is planted permanently in the rough.
But each hole allows more than just one shot
And though the first did not go as it ought,
Finishing strong can out-shadow a blot.
Accept whatever your actions have bought
Or anything by circumstance you have caught
And learn to forgive yourself.





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