Staring at herself in the full length mirror, no longer alone anymore. Two teenage girls, the follow and the leader. The girl outside of the reflection longs for happiness, but the only way that she believes she can achieve it is by listen to the painful words of the girl staring back at her with disappointed green eyes. She is more like a dictator, that girl in the mirror. The dictator of a body that groans and quivers, shakes and shivers, but when the girl standing outside of the mirror, disgusted at what she sees, realizes what she is doing to herself is the best thing for her, the pain fades away and is replaced by the desire to be thin, to have bones poke out at the bottom of her stomach. To bend forward as the spine on her back shows, and a gap in her thighs so that when other girls see her, they are envious. Cheeks sunk in, and chest bones exposed..that is what beauty is all about, and if listening to her reflection means becoming more thin, then she will do it. The more she looks at herself in the mirror, this 5'4 102 pound girl, she is becoming more and more apart of this enemy inside of her every day. With the doctor taking away her exercise, thoughts of purging race through her mind. She says she will never do it, and continues to work out secretly in her basement. Sit ups, jumping jacks, planks, squats, and push ups are endless. They say she is getting weaker and weaker, but she is really getting stronger and stronger, and prettier and prettier. She would rather be loved for being the dying girl with the eating disorder, surrounded by constant care, and always getting compliments to keep my head up, than healthy and ignored.
The enemy in me
January 23, 2012