I can’t believe my friend has to put up with you.
Boom, boom, boom,
You are slowly approaching as I hide behind
A quiet kitchen table.

Fe Fi Fo Fum,
I smell the stench of body odor,
As the beast slowly rolls into the room.

Your loud thunderous voice
Clouds my thought processes as I try to
Ignore the painful sounds your mouth creates.
Your voice forces me to cover my ringing ears for
The fear of going mentally insane.

The pure sight of you makes children hide and birds fly down south
Just to avoid the menacing glare from your bloodshot eyes.
Instead of having to look at you,
I want to get stabbed through my glasses into my already impaired vision.

The jiggling rolls of fat that hangs from your
Stomach makes me cringe and nearly gag,
As I can imagine the small fungi partying under
The unwashed flab’s of blubber.

You are very rude.
Burping and farting around people is your way of saying hello.
While people gasp for air and clear the room, you sit in your own stench
And take it all in, believing that was a good accomplishment.

Obnoxious,
Deafening,
Nauseating,
Are the three terms people use most
When they hear your dreadful name.

You purposefully make people angry,
Yet you still believe you are an angel.
If they try to tell you to stop,
You just turn green and grow
Ten feet high to prove a point not to mess with you.

You are annoying; I wish to never see you again.
But I have a friend that shouldn’t have to put up
With your individual personality all by himself.
So I’ll face my fear, for the sake of friendship.
How does he deal with someone like you?