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I'm Fine

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My world is shadowed by their words
their smirks and superior stares cut off the air supply to my fire
I have a heartbeat
but I don’t live
I’d own the world if I had a penny for every time I’ve said “I’m fine”
what a lie
them not seeing the truth tears a chasm deep into my chest
I’m a ghost of the girl I once was
loosened of all hope
I start to drift off like a picture caught in the seas current
and slowly sinking…
Until a person clutches my hand and looks directly into my eyes
“Why are you so sad,” she asks
“I’m fine,” my lie reverberates through my skull
“That wasn’t what I asked. I said ‘Why’”
realization hit me like the sun’s golden rays peeking through a storm
She saw!
“Everyone is against me,” I whisper
“I’m not; want to walk home with me?”
I nod
A true smile crept onto my face and into my heart
The blossoming of a friendship is pulling me closer to shore!



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SaphiraBrightscalesThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Feb. 14 at 10:32 pm:
This is so amazing. It's as if I could see it all happening, I could hear you speak through the words...and yes, it is the best feeling in the world when someone notices... :)) Your poem is beautiful. Keep posting. Maybe check out some of my stuff.... You might like it :P
 
JoPepperThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Feb. 15 at 3:18 pm :
Thanks for commenting, and yes it is a wonderful feeling!   And I'll read some of your stuff also xD
 
SaphiraBrightscalesThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Feb. 15 at 11:29 pm :
You're welcome, And Thank YOu!!
 
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thatunknownthingThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Feb. 14 at 12:20 pm:
awesome! the first few lines, esp. were really amazing! and 'id own the world if...' was creative, too.the last two lines were oddly long, though, quite disrupting the regularity of the poem. 4/5! check out some of my stuff if you can? :)
 
JoPepperThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Feb. 15 at 3:17 pm :
Thank you for commenting and I'm on my way to your stuff also xD
 
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AgingerThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jan. 29, 2012 at 2:18 pm:
This poem is beautiful but also very sad, which is a great contrast in poetry. I really enjoyed this, ad the happy ending was a nice surprise. The only thing I would suggest is maybe switching up your line breaks and making sure that powerful words are put at the end of each sentence. Well done!
 
JoPepperThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Feb. 3, 2012 at 5:09 pm :
Ok thanks for reading anything of yours you'd like me to read?
 
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JustAnotherOwl said...
Jan. 28, 2012 at 6:52 pm:
The emotion is so clear, it's incredible! And you make it so...relatable! (: I really really love this! My favorite line is "I'd own the world if I had a penny for every time I've said "I'm fine"" I'm favoriting this!
 
JoPepperThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jan. 29, 2012 at 10:41 am :
Really?! Thank you anything of yours you'd like me to read? ")
 
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GreenSerenity said...
Jan. 28, 2012 at 3:48 pm:
I just want to warn you that I'm pretty overly critical on my own work, so I tend to be that way for others too. Okay, so I really like the topic. One suggestion I have is to try to make the lines closer to the same length. Sometimes it does work to have them all different, but in this case I think continuity in your line length would improve the poem. I also think that capitalizing the first letter of each line would make it look more professional. Watch your punctuation, especially with things... (more »)
 
JoPepperThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jan. 29, 2012 at 10:43 am :
Okay, thank you, I'll definitely take those things into consideration! :)
 
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lucybrownThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jan. 28, 2012 at 1:35 pm:
I enjoyed this a lot! I liked the imagery and this poem had a lot of emotion and hope within it. Great job!
 
JoPepperThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jan. 29, 2012 at 10:46 am :
Thank you, if there's anything else you'd like me to read/comment/rate I will willingly do so! :D
 
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LoudDreamerThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jan. 27, 2012 at 8:20 pm:
This is beautiful! you did a very good job and it must have been one 'eck of a convention for you to only be ranked fourth! I love to see something on the subject of friendship and it is a shame that so few on TI that get attention are on the positive side of this topic. This was truly touching, great job! 5/5
 
JoPepperThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jan. 29, 2012 at 10:49 am :
Thanks so much, I almost got 3rd but they gave the 3rd place plaque to the wrong person (there was a little mix up) and I ended up with 4th place. I was like "really? Oh well I won something, I'M SO HAPPY!!!!"
 
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beautifulspirit This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jan. 27, 2012 at 6:37 pm:
I like this--it was a little sad, but the imagery was good. I especially liked the part about having a heartbeat, but not living. Good job!
 
EmmaNemma replied...
Jan. 28, 2012 at 1:11 pm :
I really liked it. The way it seemed right from the heart gave it an intense, deep feeling. You could try monitoring the syllables in the lines so it flows slightly better but I honestly think that it's amazing as it is.
 
JoPepperThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jan. 29, 2012 at 10:53 am :
Thank you both of you!!! If you'd like me to read/rate/comment on any of your stuff, just ask! :)
 
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