When I think about you and me and how we were earlier that day I feel like then I was a small child

I feel like it was so long ago
Then I think about myself now and I feel like such a grown up person

I don't know what is happening
Why do I feel so different when thinking about me and you
Why can't things just stay the same
Why do things have to be complicated in my mind

Im not sure what I want-if I want to be with you or not
I do not think I can have a relationship where I can call you my own
But that doesn't mean I don't have a crush on you

I can't seem to figure things out
I'm always frustrated by my dilemma of figuring out how I feel

I think I'm just too afraid about what I don't know
I don't know how things will work out so I make myself scared
This way I don't have to find out what it would be like to be together

I wish this would stop
I want it to go away
I need confidence
But I just can't seem to find it
What hope do I have when every corner I turn there is no light?
I try to see things in a way where I feel as though this happens for a reason
But I don't know if that's true

Where is my hope?
Why don't I know what to do?
Must I be in this situation
Do things need to be this hard, will they always be?

I'm scared to try and find out
I can't make up my mind I dont know what I want and I don't know why this happens

I wish I did
Maybe that would make things easier
But how should I know?

I'm lost and I feel there is no way out sometimes
Maybe I just need to deal with it and wait.....
Wait for something to finally click and I know what to do

God please help me I need to know what to do
I need not to be scared anymore
I need a helping hand, someone or something to make things easier