Beyond My Reach

January 13, 2012
By Cate Wilmoth BRONZE, Mill Valley, California
Cate Wilmoth BRONZE, Mill Valley, California
1 article 3 photos 0 comments

You say its too much to handle
But I know you’re stronger than this
Your face darkens
And you feel as though your all alone
There’s nothing I can do to stop it
And you succumb to the darkness
Full of fear and worry
I don’t know if it will get any better
Every time I reach for you,
you only pull farther away
I feel as you do sometimes,
But I always get pulled back
Are you past this point?
Past love?
Past reaching?
Would you tell me,
If you were beyond my help?
But you’re already beyond that
And there’s nothing I can do
But hug you and tell you it will be okay
Even as I feel you slipping away again
Once again your face darkens
As you lie and say its helping
You aren’t really sure what to think
It hurts you to stay silent, but it’s worse to speak
The only escape is the music
And the relief the lyrics and rhythms bring
In the darkness of the room
You let yourself feel and let your thoughts wander
To the place where they were forbidden to go
Except this one hour, this one time
Until you repeat it tomorrow
And when the hour’s over
The thoughts flee like children
Caught in the act of breaking the rules
No one is supposed to feel like this
So you keep silent
And keep in mind it will pass with time
But its still there
In the back of your mind
Only allowed out during those hours,
In the dark,
Surrounded by the music
And the words you feel,
But did not write out
These people, these artists
They know what you are feeling,
What you are going through
For a person you don’t know
The feeling is unnecessary
An obsession,
Is that what it’s called?
But it’s a deeper pain
Not a simple “obsession”
You don’t know what to call it
A connection?
Sure, whatever it needs to be called
To be explainable
Many people feel this way
The paper says to you,
Whispering words of explanation
And love
So I’m not crazy or obsessive?
Good to know.
But it doesn’t erase the pain
Or the emptiness
That only the tears bring a remedy to.

The author's comments:
I know that a lot of people suffer from anxiety and depression, and last year I had a close friend who was going through one of the hardest times of her life. I felt helpless, and when I wrote this I was expressing my feelings of helplessness both for her and myself, as I was having a rather difficult year with my own anxiety. It felt amazing to have everything I was feeling out on a piece of paper, and I just hope that other people enjoy it or remember that it can be temporary, and talking about pain, or even writing about it makes everything seem less complicated and difficult.

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