i wish i was asleep right now
but for some reason i cannot stop my mind from thinking
and my fingers from typing.
i wish i had some room in my brain to store all the things i want to forget
but unfortunately
my brain is functioning quite well
except for the fact that i think it might be aging
faster than the rest of me.
it thinks i am thirty
living alone
with nothing but frozen pizza and a
telephone that i never use.
a dirty rug on my wood floor
in my two bedroom apartment.
the second room is taken by
my cat.
who is also the only boy i'll ever love.
and if you open my dresser, you will see too much
blue and green and gray.
my shoes will always come untied as i make my way to my old s***ty
car that is sitting in the rain.
the back of which is filled with old mcdonalds receipts
and socks.
nobody will have ever felt the seat of the passenger side,
except maybe
a few bags of groceries,
like cereal and coffee.
my mind seems to think i have loved and lost
but i guess this can't be so.
but i can feel it in my head.
or is that
my heart?