I wish I didn’t have to pretend. I wish I could be honest and open about my feelings. I wish I didn’t muffle the screams of my heart and suppress the truth hiding in my subconscious. I’m trying so hard to escape, to run, to hide. You said you didn’t want me so I’m trying to leave but something won’t allow me to close the door. I’m trying to prove to myself that love left and that you weren’t meant for me. I’m trying to accept what everyone else has to say about a relationship they were never in, because at this point I’m desperate for something, anything that will keep me from being alone with my heart and mind. I wish for one moment I could just tell you the truth and not think about consequences, but when you truly love a person, the last thing you want to hear is that they don’t want it.
January 9, 2012