Intangible, Elusive Things

January 8, 2012
And I write to you with closed eyes
Hoping to keep your memory alive
even as the past becomes shrouded in shadows
faded at the corners like an old photo

And I let the words flow onto the paper
Stained with tears and chipped ink
for I have written a million letters
since the day you slipped out of my grasp
and into the afterlife

Where I hope you are happy
Dancing in a meadow

Or maybe you are busy
plowing fields as punishment
for your bad deeds

Oh you were a wicked child
With a devious smirk and head held high
But you fell so quickly and so hard
onto the rocks by the sea shore
where the waves swept you away
Its fingers rocking you to your death

And these letters
you will never get
For I can't visit where your corpse rests
If I do
I'll surely go mad
For I loved you and you loved me
and now you are dead

You should see the way the paper looks
a mess of cross outs and spills
it looks completely black now
and the words look more like blotches and less like script or print
But I know the chaos on the sheet,
would have made you smile at me

And I can feel the tears slipping now
for the dead can not read or smile
You can not love me from the coffin
that was carved in your name
And I fear that I may lapse into depression now
for I no longer can embrace you like before
and your memory is slowly fading
and I will no longer have something to hold onto

And if I forget you
I'll forget myself
For you were life
and I was the thread
that wrapped itself tightly around your body
when all was failing

And even if I can't bear to look back
I still do
and a part of me withers and shrinks back into itself
like you did on that hot summers day
when you took a leap that I was too afraid to take
and now that you are away
I can feel the sorrow that you felt
and I can't stand the lonely nights
or the bitter days

But I can not slip into the darkness like you did
for I am too busy looking for the light that everyone
says they can see
and like a candle it flickers here and then
And one day I'll reach it
maybe when my legs give out
or when the blood stops pumping through my veins
but until I take my last breath,
I'll keep mourning
and I'll keep hoping
to never meet your hasty end

For you were life
and I was the string
that held the world together

Now you're nothing but a bag of bones rotting in the ground
and I am finally wearing the crown that you had stolen from me
and holding the key to the destiny that had always awaited me.





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