Christmas won't be the same

December 16, 2011
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It's been 5 years since you've been gone and nothing is what it seems.
You died 5 days before my birthday. Why?
Because I cut myself so deep you could feel it.
Or was it you couldn't hold on any longer?
You were always the stronger one.
You always had the last word.
This time I had the last word.
I never thought I'd see you in a casket on my birthday.
I hate myself for what I said to you that night.
I didn't get to tell you how much you really meant to me.
Christmas won't be the same without you there.
I know the last Christmas we spent together wasn't the best. I didn't know it was going to be the last.
I miss you everyday.
I think about you all the time.
I'll forever love you.
I miss those grey/blue eyes that I was amazed by when I was younger.
I miss the way your hair smelled after you got it permed.
I miss the smell of cigarettes and beer on the Saturdays we spent together.
I miss the Christmas's we used to have before you got cancer.
No one used to fight. No one used to argue.
No one had a bad word to say about anyone.
I miss all the "I love you"s and all the " I'll see you in a couple of days".
I miss being "Memaws little angel" and getting money instead of toys.

Christmas won't ever be the same without you.

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