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The Notion of Leaving

I entertain the notion of leaving
For a day or for a year
Is really no matter to me
The idea of a wandering star entertains me
Orbiting your thoughts
But never quite landing
Or at least not long enough
To hold your attention
Or your hand
Until the day
That you notice your satellite missing
And you look up
Only to find me
Next to you

I entertain the notion of leaving
And never coming back
To see the sea and smell the ocean
Watch blue skies turn to black
The thought of sadness intrigues me
Much as pain is for fun
I’d like to see someone mourn me
As a friend, a brother, a son

I entertain the notion of leaving
Perhaps just for these words
I entertain the thought of you reading them
The things you wish you hadn’t heard

The music builds to a crescendo
And I wish I could make up my mind
I wish I could do what I want to do
And leave no trace left behind

I wish that no one would miss me
As I wish the whole world would
The thought of being alone scares me
Much more than thoughts of death could

No, I shall not go today
But who knows what tomorrow may bring
I doubt it will bring you back to me
But I guess I’ll just wait and see
I entertain the notion of leaving
For a day
Or for a year
It's really no matter to me
The idea of a wandering star entertains me
Orbiting your thoughts
But never quite landing
Or at least not long enough
To hold your attention
Or your hand

Until the day
That you notice
Your satellite missing
And you look up
Only to find me
Next to you

I entertain the notion of leaving
And never coming back
To see the sea and smell the ocean
Watch blue skies turn to black
The thought of sadness intrigues me
Much as pain is for fun
I'd like to see someone mourn me
As a friend, a brother, a son.

I entertain the notion of leaving
Perhaps just for these words
I entertain the thought of you reading them
The things you wish you hadn't heard

The song in my head builds to a crescendo
And I wish I could make up my mind
I wish I could do what I want to
And leave no trace left behind

I wish that no one would miss me
As I wish the whole world would
The thought of being alone scares me
Much more than thoughts of death could

No, I shall not go today
But who knows what tomorrow may bring
I doubt it will bring you back to me
But as to that I'll wait and see

The notion still has not left me
Months after I first wrote these words
It's ironic in some sense
And in another
Slightly frightening

I entertain the notion of staying
If only to see what comes next
With a blind eye turned to the horizon
It can be difficult to hope for the best.





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JoshMac said...
Jan. 11, 2012 at 10:46 pm
I don't know how I managed to double-post this. I guess I should edit my stuff more thoroughly, eh?
 
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