sometimes i lose myself knowing theres no more room to start over. i cant remember why im here most days and i like it that way, i know my creation was a one sided mistake. take a couple deep breaths thats what they tell me. the only thing im good for is making things fall apart while i pretend they are gluing me back together. sometimes i scream inside my mind and watch my body shake like im dying, but i dont bother checking to see if im alive id rather waist away crying. the corners are always dark and the minute light shining thorugh isnt enough to carry me out. i dropped a pebble from a bridge once to see how fast and hard id splatter to my destination, stepped over with one foot and decided id go nowhere but here anyways. id rip out all my eyelashes to be an outcast with a million wishes that came true, but i know wishes lie and so do people. ive thought about different ways to hurt people so bad that they cannot break me down anymore, but there is always a higher price to pay for love. love...what is it anyways? i mean i know what its supposed to be, but what has it turned into? its supposed to be pure and full and honest but now its more blind than it has ever beenand there is nothing except for what a person tells theirself there is. are people supposed to hurt you and you not do it back? what makes people do the things they do, and why when a person hurts another person does it seem okay to physically harm them back? i only know whaty i see, i only know what some people let me see. maybe im carrying a creature like what love has become. some people in the matter make a joke out of everything when all i want to do is cry and cry for days enough to cry for help, but do i even want it? i try to remember who i am but all i know is what everything has made me become, love is enough to make any person sat y but why? im stuck constantly asking why. some people are so selfish, and his mind is weak im so alone but my quiet heart speaks. i dont know where i am or where ill end up next, i want to fall to pieces and let the world swollow me, id probably be spit our because not even the world who eats pieces of trash like myself daily could handle my bitter taste. i wouldnt even wanna eat me. 2 more days of another year here on earth and i dont even wanna be, hell i dont even wanna be me...anymore...ever. but what am i supposed to do, only time will tell.
December 13, 2011