Sleepless night

January 1, 2012
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What if I get lost? Are people going to like me? Am I finally going to fit in?
Only three of the many questions I ask myself
While I lie awake in the middle of the night,
Just thinking.
Thinking about the past, the present and the future.
Thinking about the many mistakes I’ve made
And the mistakes I want to make.
Thinking about things I wish I did compared to things I’ve actually done
Just thinking

What if I can’t make friends? Am I going to be an outcast again?
These thoughts, and many others, rushing through my brain
Night after night
I close my eyes to escape the fear,
But nothing, just more thoughts

What if people judge me again? What if I am not good enough?
These questions that I’ve thought before,
Many times before
Now haunting me even more.
These questions make me feel weak

So many thoughts, of different topics rush through my head as I lay there
In my bed, just thinking
Meeting new people,
Strengths and weaknesses,
The future,
The meaning of my life

I put my head phones in, turn the volume up and close my eyes
Hoping I can finally put my mind at ease
I listen to the sound of the beat,
Either fast, loud, slow or soft
Then I drift into a deep sleep
Where finally, I don’t have to think,
I can just dream

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