What's wrong with me?

December 29, 2011
Sometimes, I get this.. Feeling.
Like I have something inside that's trying to claw it's way out, however it can. I feel as if I can do either of two things, scream or write. Since the first is generally frowned upon, I choose to write.

It's almost like there's these little ideas and feelings inside me that are waiting for inspiration. Or a rainy day like today. They all of the sudden pop up into my brain and stick there. If I don't do something about them, they make me stir crazy, I can't focus on anything except what I'm waiting to put on paper, so that I can share it with someone. I hate talking to people about what's on my mind, because I tend to get upset or confused. It's only when I start writing that it all comes together and makes sense. At least, it does to me. In school they tried to teach me to plan what I'm going to write. Whenever I do that, it ends up terrible, I have to force words to come and it never feels right. My words are something of a gift, and their like an involuntary faucet, it does what it pleases.

When something hits my soul, or my heart, or my brain, it makes me feel special, like I'm being given a powerful gift. Words. Poetry. Stories.

I don't write to please anyone but myself, and if others happen to like it, then it makes me happier then I already was about my musings that I share. I realize that sometimes people don't agree with me, and that's great, it's the way to keep things interesting. I love to hear criticism about my work, mostly from people I admire and trust. I want negative feedback to keep me grounded and focused on keeping things relevant to life and not writing with absolutely no purpose, just something to read when there's nothing else.

I am completely in love with the idea that I can be someone in this world, helping people and even changing their lives, if I'm lucky.
The song 'Hero' is a song that tells people be someones Hero every day. That makes me feel like someone else gets that I literally cannot sit around an not at least attempt to do something with my life.
To me, that doesn't mean go out and fight fires and such, if that's not your passion. Help the ways you can. For some, it's their songs, (the song 'the last night' has helped me so much) for me, my ultimate goal in life is to touch one person on this planet with my writing. Just one, and my life will be completed. I will have purpose. I will know that a person like me has been saved from the awful things in my past, or helped someone else on my situation to get through the days that seem like eternity.

So in conclusion to my question, how and why did I get so blessed as to have words flow through my veins and mind and soul and body? Not all people have talents and gifts, not that I do, but I certainly know there's something different about me.
But what is it?

Post a Comment

Be the first to comment on this article!

Site Feedback