A Cold Bosom

December 1, 2011
By , Tampa, FL
Is it wrong?

This lack of the feeling of love.

There's been this devoid of this emotion there for as long as I can remember.

The only emotions, I can feel for you, are hate, are anger.

Even as a little girl, I remember, I don't love you.

How can a mother love a child, and beat them.

I laid there on the bed and took your beatings.

I still have the horrific images, of you, beating my face.

That's the one image of you then that still remains.

I can't remember anything else of you from way back when.

I was just a little girl.

I remember the joy it brought me, when I rushed into my daddy's arms.

To be away from you.

He always took me to a safe place.

Because of you, all my memories from that time faded, faded, faded away.

It was such a joyous day, when daddy finally really took me away.

Away from that crack house you called home.

I remember the smell of weed, from when I was four years old.

I remember watching you smoke the ganja in front of me.

When daddy took me away, it was such a happy, happy day.

And then the day came, when he. . .passed away.

I was so lost.

Fourteen years old and I had lost my best friend.

I had lost the man I loved more than anything.

I lost the best daddy, anybody could ever have.

My home turned cold.

I had no choice, but to go back to you.

I gave you your second chance.

I didn't want to.

I ran away.

I wished life, wouldn't go on this way.

I was found, and sent back to you.

How much I resented you.

If you hadn't of left my daddy, all those years ago, or did the things you did to hurt him, I would still have him today.

We moved into that dump.

Time went by, all I could do was cry.

It was not home.

It was a hell.

The things you did.

The things I saw.

I gave up there for awhile.

Guys came in the picture.

You, and Matt, the things I did.

How could you encourage your own child, to do drugs with you?

How could you encourage me to be with an older guy?

Sin.

Those few months I lived in sin.

Then, school came around.

I realized, the life I had with you, wasn't the type of life I wanted to be around.

I stopped feeling safe there.

I stopped living life on that cloud.

So I left, I wanted to turn my life around.

I stayed clean.

I finished school.

Here I am now, six months after graduation.

Happy, and in-love.

Clean.

Free of you.

I found out today, that you had been arrested, for cocaine possession.

You just keep feeding that obsession.

That addiction.

It makes me angry.

You gave up both your children.

You succumbed to the life of drugs.

You're no mother.

A mother loves her children.

A mother would do anything for her children.

She makes sure her children feel safe.

She gives her children a home.

She makes sure her children have no worries about where they'll be tomorrow.

I had to grow up fast because of you.

Because of all the s*** you put me through.

I have nightmares about you.

Why do I even wonder, if it's wrong, not to love you?





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