Night

December 15, 2011
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Night comes to its end.
Eyelids flutter.
Someone in the darkness stirs.
A soft mutter.
Golden threads of dream hang from the sleeper's head.
Silky mists of nightmares swirl around their bed.
In people's minds a door is locked, the key hidden away.
The shadowy figures of sleep return to their lair and that is where they stay.
Until the black veil is pulled across the sky once more,
And the spirit is then free to soar.





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eliana924 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Dec. 23, 2011 at 12:19 pm
I like the imagery, but you keep switching subjects - "someone" and "the sleeper's," but then "their" and "people's," and then "the spirit." In addition, just a random "someone" or an ambiguous "everyone" lacks significance, so I think you need to rework it so that either it's a specific relatable person/group or there's significance to the lack of identity given to the subject.
 
ArtemisVale replied...
Dec. 23, 2011 at 1:35 pm
Thanks :) I hadn't even noticed until you pointed it out but definitely a good point to make. By the way, are you much of an artist? I need some input on my photos :p
 
eliana924 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Dec. 23, 2011 at 1:40 pm
Okay I'll look at them...
 
ArtemisVale replied...
Dec. 23, 2011 at 1:48 pm
=) thank you!
 
eliana924 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Dec. 23, 2011 at 1:52 pm
I only saw 3 photos but I gave you feedback on each
 
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