Somewhere along the way, I lost myself; conforming to whomever you would like me to be. Stolen in my youth, lost, always lost; incognito mixed among unrecognizable souls. My interpretation of life has been dissolved. Paint by numbers, a mask that seems to match my soul. It only aids to my disappearance. I have gotten lost in the mirror. It too seemed to consume my subconscious. The constant never ending nagging, I can’t help but to indulge in welcoming negativity. A smashed mirror only results in a million little fragments staring back at me. Yet the eyes are so unfamiliar. Although that is the reason I get so lost. I don’t recognize them. The blue eyes are not mine to keep. They belong to a stranger who offers a love that isn’t hers to give. All I want is something I have never known. A purpose, a mission, a reason to breathe; these are all unknown. This brings us back to square one. Searching endlessly for something that cannot be found is something I have done my entire life. There are so many broken pieces that cannot even be salvaged by the strongest Gorilla Glue known to man. But maybe they were meant to be shattered. Maybe I was meant to be lost. There is no point in fixing something if it cannot be restored to full clarity, especially if there was no clarity to begin with.
November 12, 2011