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Love of Mine

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These eyes of mine, they only see your face,
this heart of mine, knows you, I can't replace.
These ears of mine, well they only hear your voice,
and this brain of mine, has already made it's choice.
These hands of mine, want to hold yours tight,
and these arms of mine want to hold you through the night.
These legs of mine, want to be wrapped around your torso,
and when I close my eyes, I see it, even more so.
These lips of mine, want to kiss you all over,
I'm feeling lucky, like a four leaf clover.
These fingers of mine, want to run through your hair,
yeah these eyes of mine, cannot help but to stare.
Yeah this heart of mine, belongs to no other,
this brain of mine knows there isn't another.
Love of mine, I will always be for you,
to make you smile, the way that you do.
Love of mine, let's get lost in time,
Love of mine, please do not fade,
Love of mine, I've escaped the blade.
There's nothing I won't do to keep you around,
I'll help you up, when you hit the ground.
I'm no longer walking the straight line,
I belong to you, sweet love of mine.



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SecretFlameThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Dec. 20, 2011 at 1:28 pm:
I agree with raagini on the rhyming part. The idea is original and the different parts of you is well thought out, but trying using better word choice/more description. I loved the ending though, but as a suggestion maybe try describing the way love feels as well. Hope that helped, and remember these are just suggestions.
 
SecretFlameThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Dec. 20, 2011 at 1:28 pm :
P.S. I love the pic.
 
LoudDreamerThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jan. 8, 2012 at 12:35 pm :
I agree with SecretFlame, the ending was better. I don't think that the rhyming restricted you, however, although it is a litle obvious that you didn't find it easy. On the contrary, about half way through you fell into the rhythem of it and it became very, very good. It's always that way with me, too, which is why when I am done writing, I ALWAYS go back and re-write the beginning. It is much easier then because I've gotten used to the feel of that particular poem and they tend to turn out much... (more »)
 
sunshine7223 replied...
Jan. 11, 2012 at 9:29 am :
Thank you so much! :)))
 
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raagini said...
Dec. 20, 2011 at 1:22 pm:

I feel like the rhyming restricted your creative ability.

Probably just personal preference, but I like it when the poem falls into a rhyme scheme partially through.

Rhyme schemes throughout are offputting for me when they're too simple.

 
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