I sit and hold the still lifeless child in my weak sheltered arms. I look into the pale blue eyes that remind me of hope, peace, and love. I caress the silk brown hair and stare into his eyes. They look back at me with no motion. I blink back tears and hold the cry in for I am strong. I hold you in my warm arms and feel your stone cold skin and sing you too sleep. My child you are mine forever and I will always cherish every slow ticking of the clock for this is my only chance to say these simple yet complex words. “I love you.” I tell him, how could someone love so much with a broken heart? Only a mother loving her still lifeless child could love so much. Baby you are the one and only. We will never laugh and play…I won’t help you ride a bike or wave good-bye on your first day of school. I won’t be that insane mother who is devastated for her young son to go to college. These are lost in a sea of hopeless dreams. As I gather my strength and kiss your beautiful lips, I wish you would cry for me. But they don’t move. The only motion is my shallow breathe and aching heart. My sweet baby, go be with the maker and creator. I know you are safe looking upon me with your glossed blue eyes yearning for your mother. I sit and cry for my baby that will never see the sight of day. I sit with him cuddled safely in my secure arms and feel a hand upon my shoulder. I look and hear a soft giggle…I know he is home.
Loving People and Hopeless Dreams
December 9, 2011