I don't deserve this

December 9, 2011
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I don’t deserve this.
My tears sting like acid as they fill my eyes,
They feel like waterfalls of sharp knifes down my cheeks.
I wish the pain would just dissolve into a grey mist.
I don’t deserve this.

You say I do nothing right and you’re getting me prepared for the real world.
Truth is, you are making me shrink into nothing.
A nothing that feels unhappy and unsuccessful.
I don’t deserve this.

You yell at me for not looking at you when you are talking to me as if I’m two.
I never meet your standards and I’m never good enough.
You expect me to do everything and get angry when I don’t.
I don’t deserve this.

You wonder why I want to be out of here so bad.
You wonder why I don’t call him dad.
You wonder why I never invite anyone new over anymore.
You wonder why I keep so many things from you.
You wonder why I act differently at home than when I do with friends elsewhere.
I will tell you why…
It is because I don’t deserve this.

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