I want something real

December 6, 2011
By teeshachanel BRONZE, Red Bank, New Jersey
teeshachanel BRONZE, Red Bank, New Jersey
2 articles 0 photos 0 comments

I feel sick to my stomach like waves crashing on me,
Gotta watch out for the tsunami
Natural disasters I can’t out run them
Trying to walk away from this space
I always assume I’m going to be erased

I feel his strings pulling and tugging at my heart
His ways play tricks with my mind, and tear my heart into pieces.
He invades my mind with the warmth of his hugs,
The Smile on his face
And the gentle touch of his lips

His body next to mine
Sends me into a lustful place
Where the movements we make
Turn into a happy ending
Where all I want to be is with him

Hand in hand, I walk by his side,
Feeling the tugs but letting it control every inch of my being
Not caring how he played with me
I was just happy that he was with me
But I guess everyone else was right

How could I be so blind?
I thought that mixing the alphabet was possible
But I failed to realize that it’s just child play:
Putting “u” and “I” together
Just ****ed up the whole damn alphabet
I lost all my emotions

Because what I thought was love
Were really just the strings on my heart?
Being tugged and pulled to do whatever he wants
The feeling of being close
I confused you and I
For what should have been love

We we’re never really meant to be
But I enjoyed your company
Sad to say I was dreaming the impossible
Hoping for the thing that everyone’s out to find
But I can’t find it with you

 And I can’t find it with anyone else
Because now I sit in this empty room
And I feel lost in this empty space
I don’t have a friend
And no one seems to care

I just wanted to be loved
That’s all
Where someone who played this game
Would get tired
And settle down

And show me what it really means to be in love
Where I won’t have to cry everyday
And won’t be blinded by something so fake
Where I can be weak, but strong all at the same time
It wouldn’t be a waste a time

But it would help me to grow
To grow in love and learn to trust
To believe in the unthinkable
And to have faith in the darkest moments
To love is to learn

And I want to learn,
Learn more about this feeling
That brings so many people together
But yet only few people have found.
So teach me

So I can be educated
So I can know the tricks to lying,
And know the knowledge needed to out play a player
So I won’t be left alone
Cause at the end of the day

I go to sleep on my own
I’m tired of living my life by myself
Tired of sleeping alone
With no one to wake up to.
And no one to share my life with

I want to wake up to someone special
Who has seen me for who I truly am
But still loves me for me
I want to be with someone whose
Dealt with the pain

That I’m just now getting over
Someone who doesn’t just want to be inside me
But to feel me inside of them
To feel so close, and to care so much
To know each other inside and out

Needless to say, I want something real
Where I don’t have to run and hide
Or be pulled and tugged like a puppet
I control my life, and my heart
And I will only give my heart to someone

Whose done with playing those games,
someone whose ready to settle down
To give up just having sex because he can
To stop chasing after other girls,
But to want to be with me.

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