just let go and hope for the best

I tried to avoid you....
to escape the thoughts that run through my mind
I can't really explain the way I feel
but what I do know is that a part of me
really likes you
but another part of me just wished that I 
that i never met you
someone like you is why girls go crazy
they fall for your looks, your charm. 
sweet smile and warm hugs 
gentle touches and passionate kisses
but problem is, it's not meant to be anything more than friends
maybe one night here
another night there
but no relationship
no title 
no label
just friends having fun
enjoying life
that single life
where you can do whatever you want
no strings attached
no love or emotion
and that's where I messed up
I broke the first rule and I caught feelings
I tried not to, I even pointed out all the bad qualities about him.
but it never works.
and because the sex that we had
there's no way you can say you couldn't catch feelings
the passion I felt between our bodies 
the closeness of his skin right on top of mine
the feelings of him being so deep inside me
of course I caught feelings but I would of hoped that he did to. 
but it don't work that way
because men look at things differently than women
to a women the passion between to people
the connection that is made to us females that love
when you can look into his eyes and just know that is what love feels like. 
but to men it tends to just be a good night
a lustful night that is.
I had hoped and I wishes that he felt the same way
that he wanted to be with me not just in me
I wanted so badly for him to see me the way I see him
but to him I'm just another girl
who is okay with having a good time 
but to me he's something special
someone whose worth all of my time
and I try to show that I'd be there no matter what. 
I'd be his ride or die
his lover for eternity
how could I be so dumb and think that he cared
I was fooled when he saw me at my weakest
and instead of just telling me what he thought
he held me and just listened.
itdidn'tt matter that it was 3 o'clock in the morning 
it just mattered that he was there
and I guess I confuses that for caring
but I know I can't be wrong 
 because a part of him gets jealous too
but what's the point in trying 
he's just going to end up leaving 
I knew it from the start
what we started was only for the semester 
so why did I believe that somehow he would fall for me?
I knew it would never work
but I still tried. I tried to make him see and feel what I did 
I was to blind to see that he wasn't looking for anything real
he just wanted to have a good time
but I wanted him to feel
to feel what I've been through
what I've dealt with
I wanted him to feel why this was so real
I saw something in him that not even his friends saw
they all warned me 
you know what they said?
they said he's just like the rest
he gets with a lot of girls
and he's a heart breaker
he doesn't deserve someone like you
but I told my self thatI Didn'tt believe it
I wanted him so badly to not be like what everyone told me
and I found so much beauty in him
I got to really see him for who he was
he's not a bad guy
he's just not in the right mind
not in the right place
he's just trying to get where he's always wanted to be
and right now it's not with me
but I still can't help but feel so a lone 
because who knows what it feels like
to start something as just having fun
to catching feelings 
and  not being able to do anything about it
to feel so much for one person
and they don't feel the same way
the crazy part is everyone knows that feeling 
that feeling of being so alone
and having to hold in your feelings. 
not being able to tell anyone 
but at the same time 
no one really understands
they just say 
why would you even get something started like that?
why would you still try it even if his friends told you how he would be? 
but I can never truly answer any of those questions 
all I know is something told me go for it and I did
something told me to keep trying and so I did
now I'm at these cross roads where it's between telling him how I really feel or holding back my feelings and just letting him go
I want to  let go cause they say if you love some one let it go and if it comes back then it's yours forever 
and I hope that once I'm out of his life
that maybe he'll realize what's gone
and he will come back 
but I can't guarantee that he will
so I'll just hope for the best.
what more can I do? 
just let go
and hope for the best





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