& now i've fallen back--at least i recognize it.
i don't feel enough in any way & i feel lied to.
maybe today is just a squeeze-of-the-heart day.
i'm glad i'm glad i'm glad to be rid of those people.
though for however many days i'll count the ticks--
'til i get to see her face again.

i just feel so useless because my scope & their scope.
will never match & i can barely even hear their drums.
i don't even know if she has a drum.
this pausing has never been so useful to me--
i'll hide under the bed the whole time.
staring at neutral pieces of paper.

but my writings are just bland & lacking enthusiasm.
they & their careful word play & their rhymes--
understandings of things greater than themselves & the soul.
earning applause well & deserved.
well f***.
guess i'm s*** out of luck on this one.