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Trapped In a Cage

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Freely down my cheeks they flow.
Pain that words cannot express.
I'm hurting more than one can see.
Why does this happen to me?

I look down and see the scars.
Am I trapped?
My life feels like I'm trapped.
I'm isolated in a cage.

Am I the only one?
Do others feel this way?
This is something I haven't felt.
Away I wish I could run.





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thefamoustapper said...
Dec. 3, 2011 at 4:28 pm
TThis is a truly fantastic job! 1 critique is in te title you dont need to say"trapped in a cage" i think it might be more riveting if you saud just "trapped"! 5/5 stars! keep writing!
 
KShep12 replied...
Dec. 3, 2011 at 4:30 pm
Thank you so much!
 
sunshine7223 said...
Dec. 2, 2011 at 3:42 pm
I really like this! I can so relate to some of this! GREAT JOB. I disagree with loud dreamer, I think you did just fine. :))
 
KShep12 replied...
Dec. 2, 2011 at 3:44 pm
Thank you so much! If you like it, you can share it ;)
 
LoudDreamerThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Dec. 1, 2011 at 10:43 am
Well, this is very good, and I liked the theme. You did a good job describing the way you felt and it is a very relatable subject. However, the way you ended two lines that were right next to each other wasn't particularly stylish, and the last line "Away I wish I could run." was awkward, which is very unfortunate because it was the last line.  I liked the entire first stanza, it was heartfelt, the words you used were very strong, loaded words capable of moving the reader when used like thi... (more »)
 
KShep12 replied...
Dec. 1, 2011 at 2:53 pm
How could I change the end?
 
LoudDreamerThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Dec. 9, 2011 at 8:42 am

Am I the only one?
Do others feel this way?
I've never felt so traped before,
I wish I could be free.


or


Am I the only one?
Do others feel this way?
Ive never felt so caged, so traped.
All I want is to get away.


Or you could go with the the 'last two lines rhyming' thing like you did on acceidnt with the first verse. But for that you might have to change the whole thing. That could be difficult to do and still preserve the f... (more »)

 
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