All Nonfiction
- Bullying
- Books
- Academic
- Author Interviews
- Celebrity interviews
- College Articles
- College Essays
- Educator of the Year
- Heroes
- Interviews
- Memoir
- Personal Experience
- Sports
- Travel & Culture
All Opinions
- Bullying
- Current Events / Politics
- Discrimination
- Drugs / Alcohol / Smoking
- Entertainment / Celebrities
- Environment
- Love / Relationships
- Movies / Music / TV
- Pop Culture / Trends
- School / College
- Social Issues / Civics
- Spirituality / Religion
- Sports / Hobbies
All Hot Topics
- Bullying
- Community Service
- Environment
- Health
- Letters to the Editor
- Pride & Prejudice
- What Matters
- Back
Summer Guide
- Program Links
- Program Reviews
- Back
College Guide
- College Links
- College Reviews
- College Essays
- College Articles
- Back
Trapped In a Cage
November 29, 2011
Freely down my cheeks they flow.
Pain that words cannot express.
I'm hurting more than one can see.
Why does this happen to me?
I look down and see the scars.
Am I trapped?
My life feels like I'm trapped.
I'm isolated in a cage.
Am I the only one?
Do others feel this way?
This is something I haven't felt.
Away I wish I could run.
Similar Articles
Previous Next
JOIN THE DISCUSSION
This article has 7 comments.
sunshine7223 SILVER said...
on Dec. 2 2011 at 3:42 pm
I really like this! I can so relate to some of this! GREAT JOB. I disagree with loud dreamer, I think you did just fine. :))
Helena_Noel BRONZE said...
on Dec. 1 2011 at 10:43 am
Well, this is very good, and I liked the theme. You did a good job describing the way you felt and it is a very relatable subject. However, the way you ended two lines that were right next to each other wasn't particularly stylish, and the last line "Away I wish I could run." was awkward, which is very unfortunate because it was the last line. I liked the entire first stanza, it was heartfelt, the words you used were very strong, loaded words capable of moving the reader when used like this. If you are able to do this in more situations to envoke different kinds of emotions you shouldn't have trouble moving up the ranks of TI. Great job, but I think this one needs a little work.
1 article 0 photos 629 comments
Favorite Quote:
“I'd rather see a sermon than hear one any day; I'd rather one should walk with me than merely tell the way: The eye's a better pupil and more willing than the ear, fine counsel is confusing, but example's always clear.” -Edgar Guest
Am I the only one?
Do others feel this way?
I've never felt so traped before,
I wish I could be free.
or
Am I the only one?
Do others feel this way?
Ive never felt so caged, so traped.
All I want is to get away.
Or you could go with the the 'last two lines rhyming' thing like you did on acceidnt with the first verse. But for that you might have to change the whole thing. That could be difficult to do and still preserve the feeling of it. I might have done something like this:
Freely down my cheeks they flow.
Pain that words cannot express.
I'm hurting more than you can see.
Why does this happen to me?
I look down and see the scars.
My life feels like I'm in a cage.
I feel so alone I could snap.
I start to wonder, am I trapped?
Am I the only one?
I've never felt so traped before,
Do others feel this way?
All I want is to get far away.
Or some other variation. Be creative! It's your work and if you happen to like the reverse syntax on the last line better, than you like it better and it dosen't matter if I or anyone else thinks. While it is good to improve yourself, you need to ask "am I improving in ways that I like? or am I disreguarding my style for ones I don't want?"
I'm giving you advice, and it dose make things better, but not everybody needs to move in this direction, you might be meant to improve in an intirely different fashion. Just remember that.