Memoria

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The sun shines on my back through my yellow flowly dress.
The warmth makes me smile. The Grass is green and tall it tickles my little legs.
The scent of a new summer day fills the air, honeysuckle and mulberry trees.
Our street is empty, it's early afternoon. You're in a white t-shirt that has scribble scarble
all over it but to me it reads "# 1 dad " and your silly red shorts that show too much of your legs.
It makes me giggle. It doesn't matter to me what you wear, it doesn't matter that
your hair is falling out or how sick your face looks. It doesn't matter to me because that's how you have
always looked. All that matters is that your here with me now. As we head to the playground we're laughing
so hard, our laughter echos through out the big field behind our house. It seems to me that the trees are laughing with us as they sway back and forth in the summer breeze. Today your my best friend.I want you all to myself. You tell me after this we can take one of our infamous Slurpee runs at the 7 11, but we have to take Matt you say. We stop at the creek, My favorite spot is near an enormous rock. Water spiders wade on the water as dragonflies dance above it. We hop over shallow streams. I try not to get my Polly pocket shoes wet, you swore to cut Polly when i out grew them. You search for rocks to skip, you're the best rock-skipper I know. I laugh uncontrollably when a little flat rock goes skidding across the water's surface and takes it's final plunge into a bed of cool sand. You take my hand as we head back up to land. We continue our journey to the park. I babble non-sense and you listen and smile like you're happy too, your happy in this moment. Your big hands wrap around me as you lift me up to your strong shoulders. Where i feel so safe. The green leaves from trees above us tickle my head. I squeal in excitement and scream to you that I can see the orange slide and the firetruck--The trademarks of our park. My heart fills with excitement as we arrive. We have it all to our selves. Such a rare happening. You put me down pretending to be an airplane and I dash off so free and happy. My mind is clear and imagination vivid. You chase after me we run and run around all the colorful playground equipment. I'm laughing so hard my tummy hurts. In this moment that is ours. I forget about the ambulances, I forget about the hospitals and the scary feeling vulnerability. Even as a little girl I'm so grateful for these moments so i enjoy it. Somewhere in my 3 year old heart I know this is the last time we will ever have a perfect moment like this. I think you know it too, so we just enjoy it. We plop down on the fresh-cut grass tired from our playing. We lay back in the grass I can feel the earth beneath me so strong and beautiful. It makes me feel secure. The sky is blue and all the clouds resemble fluffy animals. we sit here for a while and make up stories about the fluffy clouds. I don't know if that day was as special to you as it was to me. But it was my wish when I blew those dandelion seeds away that we would have more days like this one. The little fuzzy seeds made there way up into the air and disappeared . That wish never came true it all went down hill from that day. But it doesn't all have to be so sad, your memory doesn't have to be so painful. I don't want to remember you that way or how sick you were, all the scary things that rocked our family that year, I don't want to remember your funeral or anything else sad or depressing. I want you remember you as the man you were to me on that day. My most clear and vivid memory of you. That's how you should be remembered. So I officially put an end to all the sadness I officially block it out, I wont feel sorry for myself anymore, because my closure is in that memory of us. A memory my mind will never lose. Where you're still very much alive to me and again you're the hero of your daughters eyes forever and always.





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