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Murdered for Love

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Dear Sister

My dear has died under a tree
with seventeen bottles of bear.
Before, every night,
he roamed through the streets
howling and knocking at doors.

He would be locked up as a mad man I suppose.
But Johnny did save him;
oh Johnny my love!

Oh-sister will I be swallowed for that?

Johnny’s been nice,
a dear to us all.
But why if he loves me
did he save Richy’s life
so many times?

Or maybe he did not do this at all,
but made Richy suffer
long and hard blows.
Gave him to drink
the bear that he brewed
to save his own money;

Oh sister what should I do?




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This article has 12 comments. Post your own!

Dr.FeelGoodThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
today at 11:44 am:
kinda choppy but good
 
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laughing4everThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Sep. 2 at 4:57 pm:
I really loved this! Keep up the good work! (I know its 2 years too late, but whatever!)
 
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KrasotaThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jun. 15 at 8:49 pm:
I like the ideas behind this poem, but I felt extremely confused throughout. I think if it were a bit longer and more explanatory, it would make sense. You have the building blocks for a strong poem, though. Good job! :D
 
samiasaskia24 replied...
Jun. 16 at 3:43 pm :
Thank you very much for your suggestions! I wrote the two pieces you commented on quite a long time ago, and I think I'll rework them! Thanks again!
 
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Mystiecub said...
Jan. 14, 2012 at 8:31 am:
Beautiful. I don't know what else to say.
 
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Moonlitnight said...
Dec. 12, 2011 at 10:14 am:
I really liked that! And i don't like poetry that much :P
 
samiasaskia24 replied...
Jun. 16 at 3:44 pm :
Wow, thanks!!!
 
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inkblot13This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Dec. 4, 2011 at 8:56 am:
This has really great potential to be an incredible poem. And I love the idea of writing a poem like a letter, I'll have to try that some time.....
 
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MoraleAsh said...
Dec. 2, 2011 at 7:35 pm:
I really liked the format ! And at the end, I liked how it ended. Great job! The only thing I'm confused about is the relationship between the speaker, Johnny, and Richy. Also "bear" should be "beer" I believe. Otherwise great job :)
 
samiasaskia24 replied...
Dec. 3, 2011 at 12:54 pm :
oops, this is a rather rough draft I now notice. Sorry about the confusion!
 
Viridian replied...
Dec. 3, 2011 at 2:14 pm :
Good poem but needs to be less confusing.
 
samiasaskia24 replied...
Dec. 4, 2011 at 5:43 pm :
okay thanks for the advice!
 
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