Without You

November 24, 2011
By Hobbles SILVER, Merritt, Other
Hobbles SILVER, Merritt, Other
5 articles 0 photos 28 comments

Favorite Quote:
Either you love bacon or your wrong!----unknown


Without you I'm scared.
Without you I feel bare.
Without you there are tears.
And without you there's always fears.
Sometimes I ache,
And sometimes I just want a break.
Without you I am weak,
like I've gone beyond the peak.
Without you I just want to cry,
and I always have sad, sad, eyes.
Though I never got to meet you, I miss you.... I really do.
I want you to know that me feelings are true.
And forever and ever I will think of you.


The author's comments:
I've never written a poem. This is my first time at this.
My inspiration for this is from my baby brother Matthew who died in the hospital when he was 2hours old in 2009. My siblings and I never got to meet him alive. But we can't wait until we do. Thank you.

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This article has 10 comments.


on Dec. 25 2011 at 10:21 pm
Mrs.LOver SILVER, Clewiston, Florida
6 articles 0 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
'as we grow older together, as we continue too change with age , there is one thing that will never change. i will always keep in fallin in more love with you every second''

wow its a great poem for ur first one i loved it and im sorry about ur brother

on Dec. 13 2011 at 8:58 pm
WaffleManThing, Vallejo, California
0 articles 0 photos 11 comments

Favorite Quote:
"just keep swimming..." by dory. :)

awsome, i liked it

Acastillo GOLD said...
on Dec. 11 2011 at 7:49 pm
Acastillo GOLD, Phoenix, Arizona
11 articles 0 photos 114 comments

Favorite Quote:
Just because you have flaws, doesn't mean you aren't beautiful ~Zayn Malik

It was really beautiful, I really liked it.

on Dec. 11 2011 at 12:36 pm
UNserieswriter, New York
0 articles 0 photos 75 comments

Favorite Quote:
idk my bff jill

although poetry doesnt have to, i love when they rhyme lol. Is there anything else you want viewed? i'd love your opinion on The Underground Network (chapter 15 because it's the strongest part) and Roman Leagues if you can spare the time. Can't wait to hear from you, thanks!

on Dec. 11 2011 at 5:51 am
youngspeare BRONZE, Nairobi, Other
1 article 0 photos 273 comments

Favorite Quote:
We wouldn't ask a rose that grew from the concrete for having damaged petals; in turn we'd all celebrate its tenacity, we'd all love tz will to reach the sun well we are the roses n these are my damaged petals don't ask me why thank God and ask me how

i'm defintely liking your style and of course this piece! fanatastic job, do keep writing :) 
Please check out my poem "Ghosts of the Past" and rate/comment? Would really appreciate it!

LassieBob GOLD said...
on Dec. 10 2011 at 11:14 pm
LassieBob GOLD, Albion, Pennsylvania
17 articles 4 photos 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Pain is pain. It could be physical or mental, but all in all? Everyone's hurting."

For this being a first poem, I've gotta say- Great! The emotion is there, although slightly hidden... Which adds to the mystery within this poem. The rhymes add something to it that I can't really describe, but I like it! =]

 

The only thing I could suggest would be working on your flow. It was slightly choppy, although this could simply be part of your style. Keep it up!


on Dec. 10 2011 at 9:59 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1648 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

Beautiful poem!  I'm so sorry that this happened to you, but I think this is a beautiful tribute.  I appreciate the punctuation in your writing, since most people don't bother with it in free-verse poetry.  Excellent work!

nomad GOLD said...
on Dec. 10 2011 at 9:51 pm
nomad GOLD, Homewood, Alabama
10 articles 1 photo 13 comments

Favorite Quote:
“What a treacherous thing it is to believe that a person is more than a person.” John Green

nice poem, i have been through something recently, that has put me through exactly what this poem describes.

keep writting!!


on Nov. 29 2011 at 8:42 pm
FishboytheWriter PLATINUM, Nogales, Arizona
21 articles 0 photos 14 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Chaos, disaster, and disorder-My work here is done." --Mr. Fontes

Michelly-

I love this poem. Your feelings shine through it and give the words life. Keep on writing. =)


on Nov. 29 2011 at 8:15 pm
ChocoMint SILVER, Bloomington, Indiana
7 articles 0 photos 129 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Love is like swallowing hot chocolate before it has cooled off. It takes you by surprise at first, but keeps you warm for a long time." - Anonymous

"Love starts with a smile, grows with a kiss and ends with a tear." - Anonymous

I loved the way the words and emotion flowed in it. My only suggestion would be to break up the line after "...never got to meet you" then make "I miss you...I really do" a completely different line. But that's just my personal preferance. Great job for your first time on poetry!!! Could you check out one of my poems please? <><


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