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Magic of the Fall This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.


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Glued erect; memorized
A tranquil gaze of this world within a world.
The boy's shrill laughter flooded my ears, as he swam across the ground.
And my heart stopped in the sweetness of climax
when his feet left the earth,
his golden hair
swaying to the mercy of the wind.
His feet touched first
Then his legs and knees, until his body dipped into the mound of faded hue
And then he vanished,
Swallowed by the withered brass of
sweltered life.
And there I stood
As the sun slipped beneath the horizon and stars gripped the skies
and I waited
until the silhouette of a man
emerged from the swollen pile

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.





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This article has 10 comments. Post your own!

LifeIsPoetry said...
Nov. 29, 2011 at 10:27 am:
Sometimes, writing about a particular subject without being straightforward is a challenge, but you pulled it off well. I like the metaphor of how it takes many falls before one can grow up. Keep writing! Maybe you can review some of my poetry sometime?
 
Jacob G. This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Nov. 29, 2011 at 3:05 pm :
yeah i'd love to
 
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MrSlowik said...
Nov. 29, 2011 at 6:56 am:
The word choice here really is fantastic. Very vivid imagery, very well paced. Evocative. Well done! Keep writing/posting...
 
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midnitewanderer said...
Nov. 28, 2011 at 10:53 pm:

OneofThem is right, the word choice is impeccable. When I was reading it honestly felt that every word was a piece that fit into a puzzle and (yahh) every piece fit! Every word felt like it was contemplated and thought about, nothing was misplaced. Your poem also reflected your author's comment, which I read after the poem, but yahh I understood the poem before I read your comment. GReat job!

As you can see I really liked his poem;)

It would be great if you could critique&n... (more »)

 
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OneofThem said...
Nov. 28, 2011 at 6:52 pm:
Interesting.  The word choice is absolutely impeccable.  Great job, that was very interesting to read!  And thought provoking, to a certain extenet.  Which is hard to do. XD
 
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Morning said...
Nov. 28, 2011 at 6:48 pm:
This was a really nice poem! I love the ending. I think that this is one of the best poems I have read in a long time. You don't state it outright, you show. Lovely!
 
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readlovewrite said...
Nov. 28, 2011 at 6:06 pm:
This is really good.  You did a really good job of showing cycles within cycles.  Like how th boy grew up over many falls'.  It was also interesting that you went deeper than just the classic poem that people write about fall, though this involves the leaves of fall, (you're right) it is more of a thing of how things/peopls mature.  This is really well written so keep writing!
 
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WhittyKittyThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Nov. 28, 2011 at 5:53 pm:
Wow! This is so beautiful!
 
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raindance72This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Nov. 28, 2011 at 4:53 pm:

This is a beautiful poem. I love your comments about the article, you clearly put a lot of thought into what you were doing. I rated this 5 out of 5! :)

Oh, by the way, I'm somewhat of a poet....not as good as you, but I do have a couple poems in. Maybe you could check out my work and leave some feedback? I really need to hear what others think. Thanks :)

 
Jacob G. This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Nov. 28, 2011 at 5:04 pm :
Thanks for your feedback...and sure I'd love to take a look at your work.
 
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