Failing to understand heart break

By , Ellsworth, IA
..Because its hard not to. You know how when you break up with an ex? And you feel like s***? That's how I feel just it seems a bazillion times worse. I keep replaying a song he sent me over and over crying because of it.
I didn't think it would be possible to feel this broken over somebody, but I do. I feel it and it hurts. I've been trying to get over him but I can't. Its like hes a burning though in the back of my head that I can't get rid of.
I fell in love with him when I shouldn't have.
Yeah, I'm happy with another person right now but its hard to get over heartbreak, especially when you were close to the person.
I can't help it.
All I know how to explain is that I cannot live with this thought that I hurt them. That it was me who is to blame
And to try and show them that I care...is so hard...its so hard. And I want them to see that. But they've given up...and...that hurts so much.
He hates me.
But what hurts the most is the fact he said I was acting like one of my Ex's....if he had any idea how much they hurt me...they scarred me...he wouldn't dare go there.
those are words that are unforgivable.
I said some unforgivable things too...
...but I was speaking the truth. And if he would've let me tell more, he would've seen I love him.
I had fallen for him.
and didn't want to lose him.
But its all ended now. So what is there to say? Am I supposed to stay here with a broken heart forever? Or will it heal? I want it to heal...because if it doesn't I don't know how long I can live with it.
My heart aches, and my chest pounds whenever the thought of him crosses my mind.
The feelings still thrive, I still want him.
But I have to tell myself no.
No, I can't want him. I can't want to talk to him. Because I am just pulling myself into a trap.
And that's where more pain commences to take over my heart.
To know it's over, the memories, the smiles, his love.
I'ts over.
I need it to end.
I want it to end.
It needs to end....





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